Perspective
We had the most fabulous shoot yesterday, with a truly beautiful model. I get to scout for and book the models, which is amazing fun because you get to email and eventually meet some really cool people. Plus models in general appear to be happier dealing with a woman (and spouse) initially – makes them less worried about being photographed by some creepy GWC.
Anyway, my dearest Linx, thank you so much for yesterday. It was lovely to meet you, and you truly are a beautiful model. And so professional. The pictures came out looking fantastic. They really rocked.
I was proud (of Rich) and incredibly envious (of the beautiful Linx) in equal amounts. She had a body that I’d gladly kill for, and I really liked her. Such fun to work with! All in all, a really successful shoot.
Apart from one thing.
After seeing someone with such physical perfection, I never wanted to be photographed again. I had booked the most beautiful woman that I could find, partly because Rich deserves it (he’s having a shitty time at work) and partly because I thought I could easily handle the jealousy/envy issue, as we’ve had several shoots with no dodgy feelings on my part at all.
I was wrong. I failed dismally.
After the shoot, and after seeing the beautiful pictures, I fell apart totally. Back to square one.
It didn’t help that I’d been privately practising a kneeling pose for several weeks (unbeknown to Rich), which is harder than it looks (I’m nearly 40, I got cramp). It had kind of become “my pose”, something very personal to me, and something I was really proud of. Rich shot me in that pose last week, but hadn’t finished the image yet (still in post-processing). During yesterday’s shot, he shot the lovely lady in that pose. Needless to say, I was devastated. Needless to say, her pictures of that pose are better. 21 year old ass looks a lot better than 40 year old ass, let me tell you.
At that point, I never wanted to be photographed again. I mentally quit as model, muse and blog-writer. I decided to get breast implants and facial surgery. I cried, you know, the usual stuff. Pathetic but predictable.
But then life has a funny way of reminding you what’s important. Two things happened. My 8 year old, seeing I was upset, drew me a beautiful picture of me, saying “I love you Mummy”, to make me feel better. And then checking my favourite blogs over a morning cup of fine camomile tea, I discovered that one of my favourite blog writers (an inspiring and beautiful lady and extremely talented writer), has been diagnosed with cancer. She is going through unimaginable hell, and still kicking ass. And it brought it all back. My brain cancer from 6 years ago, the hell I went through, my fight to beat it and my resulting facial disfigurement. And 6 years ago I came out of it a stronger and better person. Now I’m nearly 40, with a beautiful daughter that the doctors said I could never have, and a new career as a fine art-nude model (old and sagging fine art-nude model, but life’s too short not to seize the day).
Perspective is a wonderful thing. Yes I will never look like the young and lovely Linxie, but I am still beautiful dammit, and as long as folks want to take pictures of me, you can count me in.
Without further ado, here is the pose which caused so much contention. And yes, that’s the beautiful Linx, not me (my version was far too rude).
Anyway, my dearest Linx, thank you so much for yesterday. It was lovely to meet you, and you truly are a beautiful model. And so professional. The pictures came out looking fantastic. They really rocked.
I was proud (of Rich) and incredibly envious (of the beautiful Linx) in equal amounts. She had a body that I’d gladly kill for, and I really liked her. Such fun to work with! All in all, a really successful shoot.
Apart from one thing.
After seeing someone with such physical perfection, I never wanted to be photographed again. I had booked the most beautiful woman that I could find, partly because Rich deserves it (he’s having a shitty time at work) and partly because I thought I could easily handle the jealousy/envy issue, as we’ve had several shoots with no dodgy feelings on my part at all.
I was wrong. I failed dismally.
After the shoot, and after seeing the beautiful pictures, I fell apart totally. Back to square one.
It didn’t help that I’d been privately practising a kneeling pose for several weeks (unbeknown to Rich), which is harder than it looks (I’m nearly 40, I got cramp). It had kind of become “my pose”, something very personal to me, and something I was really proud of. Rich shot me in that pose last week, but hadn’t finished the image yet (still in post-processing). During yesterday’s shot, he shot the lovely lady in that pose. Needless to say, I was devastated. Needless to say, her pictures of that pose are better. 21 year old ass looks a lot better than 40 year old ass, let me tell you.
At that point, I never wanted to be photographed again. I mentally quit as model, muse and blog-writer. I decided to get breast implants and facial surgery. I cried, you know, the usual stuff. Pathetic but predictable.
But then life has a funny way of reminding you what’s important. Two things happened. My 8 year old, seeing I was upset, drew me a beautiful picture of me, saying “I love you Mummy”, to make me feel better. And then checking my favourite blogs over a morning cup of fine camomile tea, I discovered that one of my favourite blog writers (an inspiring and beautiful lady and extremely talented writer), has been diagnosed with cancer. She is going through unimaginable hell, and still kicking ass. And it brought it all back. My brain cancer from 6 years ago, the hell I went through, my fight to beat it and my resulting facial disfigurement. And 6 years ago I came out of it a stronger and better person. Now I’m nearly 40, with a beautiful daughter that the doctors said I could never have, and a new career as a fine art-nude model (old and sagging fine art-nude model, but life’s too short not to seize the day).
Perspective is a wonderful thing. Yes I will never look like the young and lovely Linxie, but I am still beautiful dammit, and as long as folks want to take pictures of me, you can count me in.
Without further ado, here is the pose which caused so much contention. And yes, that’s the beautiful Linx, not me (my version was far too rude).
posted by Lin at 8:29 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home