Blofeld's cat

At long time before D Brian Nelson got his cute little cat, I had long harboured a secret desire for a shoot with a Bond cat, lovingly entitled “The Blofeld's cat shoot”

Yes, I admit it. I am a Bond fanatic and a mad cat lady. (The neighbours' kids have called me that). My family is not complete unless it contains at least 3 cats, preferably more. At one point I had six, and Richard threatened divorce.

Recently I have been nurturing a dream of a nude shoot with a white cat i.e. Blofeld's cat.

You know the name - you know the cat. Blofeld - well known for being the bad guy in six James Bond movies and his white cat, behind which he normally hides from the cameras. That cat is my icon. beautiful, sophisticated, cuddly, evil. The epitome of everything a James Bond heroine should be.

Now I am very sophisticated, cuddly and evil myself, and because a couple of months ago we were down to only one cat in the family (totally unacceptable), I decided to increase the family by purchasing another couple of kitties, of which one had to be PURE WHITE to fulfil my dream of “The Blofeld’s cat shoot”.

I researched cats on the internet, and even got as far as reserving a beautiful and unique white pedigree Norwegian Forest kitten. This kitten would have been vastly expensive but Rich was O.K. with that. He understands my needs completely – what a guy. This is part of the reason I don’t mind buying him frighteningly expensive camera equipment. Who says a Hasselblad costs too much ? Although we’ll have to save up for that one. A digital Hasselblad costs 2 years school fees, but what the hell. I am everly hopeful that a Hasselblad may actually result in me looking more beautiful in his photographs, although I suspect that in actual fact the reverse may be the case. (The camera never lies. Plus we may not actually shoot with the camera- we may merely stick it on a tripod and worship it instead)

But I digress. Back to cats. Well, you can guess what happened next.

I made the mistake of going to the local cat shelter, and then fell utterly in love with two six year old giant cats, who had been there unwanted for four months and who happened to be sisters and apparently brilliant ratters to-boot. So we ended up with two moth-eaten moggies, not remotely Blofeld-like. They are not white and I have yet to see evidence of a single rat. Plus they aren’t very keen on the camera and are way too scared to go out and do their job of rat catching (we are in the wilds of Eastern England, hence have a giant mutant rat problem).

Yes, our cats are cowards. In actual fact of course, Blofeld’s cat was a consummate actor but also a coward too. In “You Only Live Twice “ Blofeld's cat was so scared by the loud noises in the finale that it was only found several days later cowering in the rafters of the volcano set. Yep, that’s my cats.

I did try to introduce the black and white cat to the camera, and was totally lacerated for my efforts (and I have the scars to prove it). But here is the more docile and cuddly of the sisters. Alas not white, but no less cute for that. She’s a darling. Her name is Tiggs.

My dream lives……