The Ravages of Age
This is an immensely painful post to write. I have decided to discontinue my studio fine-art nude modelling.
I have been deeply unhappy with the quality of images in my portfolio for a while now.
When I first started nude modelling it made me feel ecstatic, happy and fulfilled. I was proud that I had managed to conquer the hang-ups about my body (facial and otherwise). I felt really beautiful.
But time and a year’s studio nude photography have had a creeping and negative effect on me.
Now when I see the images of me nude in the studio, I just feel old, and not proud of it either.
My nude modelling in our new studio has become an unspoken undercurrent between Rich and myself. Neither of us wants to argue about it but he no longer wants to shoot me nude in the studio. This is because I constantly moan about how nude images make me look unflattering, old, saggy. Losing 8 pounds in weight hasn’t helped either. I am pretty scrawny, and although I feel better physically for the weight loss, my body now resembles more of a mature fashion model rather than the typical fine art-nude physique. I don’t blame Rich for not feeling inspired to shoot me. I wouldn’t want to shoot a model who was depressed about her figure either.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe I look great for someone who is nearly 40 and who is facially paralysed. However I can’t help but compare myself to the usual twenty-something models that Rich shoots, despite my best efforts not to do so. Obviously there is no way I could look that good, but that’s not the point. Looking that good was never my intention anyway, but I am increasingly conscious that Fluffytek is first and foremost designed to be a business, and fine-art nude images of me won’t help his studio portfolio any! Youth and beauty sells. A sad fact but unfortunately true.
There are of course a few beautiful 40+ nude models on MM and good for them ! However for me personally, there comes a point where I have to say enough is enough and I must regretfully call it a day. I may still do environmental nudes or shoot with more natural lighting, if the mood takes me. But no more shooting me nude "fine-art style" in the studio. Fine art studio photography is a particularly unforgiving science. The fine-art nude style is all about shooting form and lighting. The levels of perfection of form required simply are not suited to my physique.
Rich has been trying to encourage me to become interested in fashion and fetish….I think I might enjoy the fetish side of modelling more, and I am also considering this. I would also love to do some more adventurous weird and wonderful art type shots. Rich is keen on this too…..he has a phenomenal imagination so expect some pretty unusual images of me in the future.
I do love to model. It makes me happy and it is a lot of fun. Plus a happy model makes a much more effective muse. I know there is a modelling niche for me out there. I just haven’t found it yet.
I was hoping to extend my studio fine art-nude modelling until my 40th birthday next year, and go out in a blaze of glory, but ‘tis not meant to be.
How do I really honestly feel about this ? Unbearably sad yes, but I know this is the right thing to do.
Here is an image of me, taken last week with the most beautiful feline model of them all, my lady Tiggs.
I have been deeply unhappy with the quality of images in my portfolio for a while now.
When I first started nude modelling it made me feel ecstatic, happy and fulfilled. I was proud that I had managed to conquer the hang-ups about my body (facial and otherwise). I felt really beautiful.
But time and a year’s studio nude photography have had a creeping and negative effect on me.
Now when I see the images of me nude in the studio, I just feel old, and not proud of it either.
My nude modelling in our new studio has become an unspoken undercurrent between Rich and myself. Neither of us wants to argue about it but he no longer wants to shoot me nude in the studio. This is because I constantly moan about how nude images make me look unflattering, old, saggy. Losing 8 pounds in weight hasn’t helped either. I am pretty scrawny, and although I feel better physically for the weight loss, my body now resembles more of a mature fashion model rather than the typical fine art-nude physique. I don’t blame Rich for not feeling inspired to shoot me. I wouldn’t want to shoot a model who was depressed about her figure either.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe I look great for someone who is nearly 40 and who is facially paralysed. However I can’t help but compare myself to the usual twenty-something models that Rich shoots, despite my best efforts not to do so. Obviously there is no way I could look that good, but that’s not the point. Looking that good was never my intention anyway, but I am increasingly conscious that Fluffytek is first and foremost designed to be a business, and fine-art nude images of me won’t help his studio portfolio any! Youth and beauty sells. A sad fact but unfortunately true.
There are of course a few beautiful 40+ nude models on MM and good for them ! However for me personally, there comes a point where I have to say enough is enough and I must regretfully call it a day. I may still do environmental nudes or shoot with more natural lighting, if the mood takes me. But no more shooting me nude "fine-art style" in the studio. Fine art studio photography is a particularly unforgiving science. The fine-art nude style is all about shooting form and lighting. The levels of perfection of form required simply are not suited to my physique.
Rich has been trying to encourage me to become interested in fashion and fetish….I think I might enjoy the fetish side of modelling more, and I am also considering this. I would also love to do some more adventurous weird and wonderful art type shots. Rich is keen on this too…..he has a phenomenal imagination so expect some pretty unusual images of me in the future.
I do love to model. It makes me happy and it is a lot of fun. Plus a happy model makes a much more effective muse. I know there is a modelling niche for me out there. I just haven’t found it yet.
I was hoping to extend my studio fine art-nude modelling until my 40th birthday next year, and go out in a blaze of glory, but ‘tis not meant to be.
How do I really honestly feel about this ? Unbearably sad yes, but I know this is the right thing to do.
Here is an image of me, taken last week with the most beautiful feline model of them all, my lady Tiggs.
posted by Lin at 1:51 PM
5 Comments:
I am sorry to hear this. Modeling is often perceived to be more age-limited than photography, and your having done this at all is both virtuous and gutsy. Over the years I've known many models who have decided to retire for similar reasons as you, some of whom later decide to come back with different goals. Maybe you will too.
I've enjoyed your posts and expect you will remain involved in Richard's photography. In fact, this might be an interesting time to pick up a camera yourself and photograph young men. Or women. See what it's like from this side of the lens, maybe.
I am sorry to hear this. Modeling is often perceived to be more age-limited than photography, and your having done this at all is both virtuous and gutsy. Over the years I've known many models who have decided to retire for similar reasons as you, some of whom later decide to come back with different goals. Maybe you will too.
I've enjoyed your posts and expect you will remain involved in Richard's photography. In fact, this might be an interesting time to pick up a camera yourself and photograph young men. Or women. See what it's like from this side of the lens, maybe.
I can't think of a nice way of saying this, but the more I hear people talk about "fine art nude" photography, the more I dislike it as a genre. It seems to embody all the worst ageist/lookist aspects of modern media and advertising with nudity tossed in to make it "edgy" and pretty lighting added to make it "art". It's fast approaching the level of "Pinup" for being short on theory and long on emotional inadequacy.
Perhaps you're TOO beautiful for "fine art nude" modeling. Don't put the onus on yourself because the genre isn't "big enough" to encompass your particular beauty [which is considerable].
Aw, thanks Guys. You're both really kind + supportive.
I seriously doubt that I'm "too beautiful" for fine art nude, but Melvin, you sure know how to make a lady feel good :-)
I will be starting to experiment with some art and fetish style modelling in the near future, which frankly sounds a lot more relaxed + fun, and will help me express the "weird side" of my personality !
Oh Lin :(
If I was close enough to cuff you round the ear(very gently might I add)I would.
I read this blog a fair bit, I see SO much of how you think in how I think about myself that some days its quite disconcertingly accurate.
I know how you feel,seriously I do and it can be horrible.
Please remember though you are not competing with younger models..you are just YOU as a model, you have nmo need to "compete" with anyone.
The joy of art models is that we can be ALL shapes and sizes and looks and thats fine.
We may not have the young tight bods of the pretty young things but we have other things that work for us instead.
The amount of times I have thrown a strop and sworn I wasnt going to do this anymore, that I couldnt bear to look at images of myself without MUCHO touch up.
You and Rich challenged that when I shot with you and I am more grateful than you can imagine for you having done so.
I dont have to compete with ANYONE..I am ME and thats bumps n lumps and slightly sagging bits n all(though a head with scars rather than lumps now admittedly).
I digress and I ramble and I think I am missing points that I meant to put in here :?
If you do want to do the fetish thing at some point I can lend you all the kit you want :)
Wigs/dress up/latex,corsets and a shedload of other stuff.
I will even give you a Dommey makeover if you fancy it :P
Meg >>hug<<
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