Bullshitting for money
I’m about to test my new-found ability to write, as I have been given the joyous task of re-writing our day-job web site. Rich (a very competent technical writer himself) is completely re-vamping the main web site, and wants a more “human” aspect to it. He wants it to “flow”, whatever that means.
It also has to look whizzy, and be full of catchy marketing-speak. It has to sell our next version of software, and thus put food on our table, pay our mortgage and the kids’ school fees, and of course, pay for all those gorgeous models whom Rich is intending to shoot for the rest of this year (New piccies in two weeks! At last! Hurrah!)
Your web site defines who you are. It IS the company. If folks don’t like the layout, the “look and feel” and the actual narrative (particularly on the front page) then people won’t even bother downloading the software, let alone buying it. I have to wow potential customers, lure them in, make them realise that this widget (sorry, I mean software) is exactly what their organisation needs to make them more efficient, dazzle them, persuade them to part with their hard-earned cash.
No pressure then.
In order to do this, Rich says I have to be “concise”.
Yikes!!!
I don’t do concise.
I do “waffle”. Indeed I am the queen of waffle. I have a background in law and accountancy…verbose is my middle name (well actually it’s Caroline, but that’s close enough). So in effect, I have to turn against and deny my very nature, in order to produce something remotely suitable. So I’m spending the next few days researching other companies’ groovy web sites, and then being inspired by (i.e. imitating) their literary art.
Rich says I have to make the customers feel “warm and fuzzy”.
I have many ideas about this. In particular, I still think we’ll make more money if we stick “free nude wallpaper” on the day-job web site, or provide nude backdrop “skins” to our client software on users’ computers. Tens of thousands of users would see our nude images. Bet that would make them feel warm and fuzzy.
No-one else has thought of this super-groovy idea. We’d knock out our competitors in one sweep. Of course, we might leave ourselves open to litigation from disgruntled bosses who find their employees drooling over nekkid chix instead of working, but it’s a gamble I’m willing to take. Unfortunately, for some reason, Rich does not think this is a good business idea. I think it is a stroke of marketing genius. We are arguing (sorry, I mean “discussing”) this and other rather batty concepts.
And of course I’ll be having a bash at “groovy marketing speak”. I do suck at marketing, so this is going to be something of a challenge. A growth experience. Expect lots of snappy marketing phrases to start appearing on the blog shortly. I will be at one with my inner marketing-guru.
So I’ll be blogging a bit less in the next few weeks, because all my creative juices (and let’s not go there) will be poured into producing the greatest work of art of all…..
Profit.
Kate, who definitely "flows"
It also has to look whizzy, and be full of catchy marketing-speak. It has to sell our next version of software, and thus put food on our table, pay our mortgage and the kids’ school fees, and of course, pay for all those gorgeous models whom Rich is intending to shoot for the rest of this year (New piccies in two weeks! At last! Hurrah!)
Your web site defines who you are. It IS the company. If folks don’t like the layout, the “look and feel” and the actual narrative (particularly on the front page) then people won’t even bother downloading the software, let alone buying it. I have to wow potential customers, lure them in, make them realise that this widget (sorry, I mean software) is exactly what their organisation needs to make them more efficient, dazzle them, persuade them to part with their hard-earned cash.
No pressure then.
In order to do this, Rich says I have to be “concise”.
Yikes!!!
I don’t do concise.
I do “waffle”. Indeed I am the queen of waffle. I have a background in law and accountancy…verbose is my middle name (well actually it’s Caroline, but that’s close enough). So in effect, I have to turn against and deny my very nature, in order to produce something remotely suitable. So I’m spending the next few days researching other companies’ groovy web sites, and then being inspired by (i.e. imitating) their literary art.
Rich says I have to make the customers feel “warm and fuzzy”.
I have many ideas about this. In particular, I still think we’ll make more money if we stick “free nude wallpaper” on the day-job web site, or provide nude backdrop “skins” to our client software on users’ computers. Tens of thousands of users would see our nude images. Bet that would make them feel warm and fuzzy.
No-one else has thought of this super-groovy idea. We’d knock out our competitors in one sweep. Of course, we might leave ourselves open to litigation from disgruntled bosses who find their employees drooling over nekkid chix instead of working, but it’s a gamble I’m willing to take. Unfortunately, for some reason, Rich does not think this is a good business idea. I think it is a stroke of marketing genius. We are arguing (sorry, I mean “discussing”) this and other rather batty concepts.
And of course I’ll be having a bash at “groovy marketing speak”. I do suck at marketing, so this is going to be something of a challenge. A growth experience. Expect lots of snappy marketing phrases to start appearing on the blog shortly. I will be at one with my inner marketing-guru.
So I’ll be blogging a bit less in the next few weeks, because all my creative juices (and let’s not go there) will be poured into producing the greatest work of art of all…..
Profit.
Kate, who definitely "flows"
posted by Lin at 9:29 AM
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