The Spanking Job
Rich and I have had a marital….um….disagreement, shall we say.
I had the opportunity of a very well paid shoot with another photographer, who wants to photograph me spanking naked guys. I didn’t have to be naked. There was nothing sexual in it at all (other than light-hearted acting on my part), and God knows we need the money at the moment (day job not going as well as we’d like). So I was very strongly tempted. I softened Rich up with a glass of Pinot Grigio (or so I thought) and then very tentatively mentioned the job to him.
Result = Explosion of volcanic proportions.
Him: “No one’s paying my wife to shoot ugly old naked guys. That’s not art. It’s trash. You’re just thinking about the money, not about the art. I don’t care if you shoot TFP or whether you’re paid, as long as you’re shooting for the best photographers, and you’re shooting only for art!”
Oh dear. So much for the Pinot Grigio. And was 14% proof organic wine at ten quid a bottle too.
Me: “So who decides if they are the best?”
Him: “I do. C’mon, you can tell the difference between art and crap as much as the next person. You’re intelligent, you have good taste. You can tell the difference between a GWC and an art photographer.“
Me: “Now hang on a minute. There are GWC’s who shoot for art as well. A photographer can be both you know.”
The response was unprintable. Apparently you can’t be both.
O.K. Different tack…..
Me: “Well, we need the money….”
Him: “Where are your principles? It’s not about money, it’s about art!”
Me: “O.K. um….who the hell are you to say who I can shoot with, and who I can’t?”
Him: “I am your husband, and I’m putting my foot down. You’re not doing that shoot, and that’s final!”
Me: “Really? You think so, huh?……O.K. then, big-shot. How about another shoot I’ve got here, for mature models shooting up to nude?”
Him: Let me look at that photographer’s profile…….. Absolutely not! You’re going to end up in 40+ Slappers Magazine. I don’t want my wife plastered all over that sort of magazine. Plus it looks like it’s a pay per view site. No bloody way!!!”
Me: “What are you, my pimp?”
Him: “Nope. I’m your husband. There’s more to life than money.”
Me: “No there’s not. I’m an accountant. I’ve got three kids to feed, you know. A job’s a job.”
Him: “You’re better than that. It’s about art, not money.”
Me: “Balls! Art doesn’t make money. Shoots like that do.”
Him “You could make more money going out to work as an accountant!”
Me: “True. But it wouldn’t be as much fun. And if I went out to an accountancy job, I’d have to work to 10 o'clock at night. And you’d never see me”
Him (the master stroke): “If you did shoots like that, what would the kids think if they found out?”
Ooh! Low blow! I had no answer to this one….but sighed and resigned in defeat….
He really would have made an excellent lawyer…
Humph…
I do love a man with principles, though.
Alas I don’t have any spanking shots to go with this post, or suitable images for 40+ Slapper Magazine either (or at least not that I’m showing here). But in the meantime, here’s me looking tasteful, in those long-forgotten days before I went to the seedy side of modelling….
I had the opportunity of a very well paid shoot with another photographer, who wants to photograph me spanking naked guys. I didn’t have to be naked. There was nothing sexual in it at all (other than light-hearted acting on my part), and God knows we need the money at the moment (day job not going as well as we’d like). So I was very strongly tempted. I softened Rich up with a glass of Pinot Grigio (or so I thought) and then very tentatively mentioned the job to him.
Result = Explosion of volcanic proportions.
Him: “No one’s paying my wife to shoot ugly old naked guys. That’s not art. It’s trash. You’re just thinking about the money, not about the art. I don’t care if you shoot TFP or whether you’re paid, as long as you’re shooting for the best photographers, and you’re shooting only for art!”
Oh dear. So much for the Pinot Grigio. And was 14% proof organic wine at ten quid a bottle too.
Me: “So who decides if they are the best?”
Him: “I do. C’mon, you can tell the difference between art and crap as much as the next person. You’re intelligent, you have good taste. You can tell the difference between a GWC and an art photographer.“
Me: “Now hang on a minute. There are GWC’s who shoot for art as well. A photographer can be both you know.”
The response was unprintable. Apparently you can’t be both.
O.K. Different tack…..
Me: “Well, we need the money….”
Him: “Where are your principles? It’s not about money, it’s about art!”
Me: “O.K. um….who the hell are you to say who I can shoot with, and who I can’t?”
Him: “I am your husband, and I’m putting my foot down. You’re not doing that shoot, and that’s final!”
Me: “Really? You think so, huh?……O.K. then, big-shot. How about another shoot I’ve got here, for mature models shooting up to nude?”
Him: Let me look at that photographer’s profile…….. Absolutely not! You’re going to end up in 40+ Slappers Magazine. I don’t want my wife plastered all over that sort of magazine. Plus it looks like it’s a pay per view site. No bloody way!!!”
Me: “What are you, my pimp?”
Him: “Nope. I’m your husband. There’s more to life than money.”
Me: “No there’s not. I’m an accountant. I’ve got three kids to feed, you know. A job’s a job.”
Him: “You’re better than that. It’s about art, not money.”
Me: “Balls! Art doesn’t make money. Shoots like that do.”
Him “You could make more money going out to work as an accountant!”
Me: “True. But it wouldn’t be as much fun. And if I went out to an accountancy job, I’d have to work to 10 o'clock at night. And you’d never see me”
Him (the master stroke): “If you did shoots like that, what would the kids think if they found out?”
Ooh! Low blow! I had no answer to this one….but sighed and resigned in defeat….
He really would have made an excellent lawyer…
Humph…
I do love a man with principles, though.
Alas I don’t have any spanking shots to go with this post, or suitable images for 40+ Slapper Magazine either (or at least not that I’m showing here). But in the meantime, here’s me looking tasteful, in those long-forgotten days before I went to the seedy side of modelling….
Labels: L-von-B
posted by Lin at 3:20 PM
4 Comments:
Great post, Lin: Like a fine wine, you just get better and better at this.
Him: “I am your husband, and I’m putting my foot down. You’re not doing that shoot, and that’s final!”
This reminded me of when my wife wanted to do something I disapproved of--don't even remember what it was now--and I told her she wasn't to do it and then ended with "And I have spoken!" Well, we looked at each other and laughed so hard we cried--because we both knew she was going to do whatever the hell she wanted to do! LOL.
Will
PS: And that picture of you... wonderful.
Some comedic rewrites to the dialogue and that could be a scene from an updated, 21st Century, version of "The Honeymooners." Replace "Him" with "Ralph" and "Me" with "Alice" and there ya go.
You Brits do know of Ralph and Alice, the Kramdens, right?
Who are Ralph and Alice?!!!
You know us Brits - we see nothing on t.v. unless it's imported from you guys :-)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Honeymooners
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