A man is only as big as the number of his pixels
We work from home, or more accurately, in a purpose built studio attached to the house. The bottom floor is dedicated to the day-job, a large open plan area where we (and our staff) sit and work, we can entertain clients, plus the three year old daughter can play (which actually takes up half the space, so the clients constantly trip over the Teletubbies). Upstairs the day-job servers are located (very noisy room, lots of servers, very loud, must be sealed during a shoot or it sounds like a wind-tunnel at 170 mph), and also our photographic studio, which is rather too small, and with sloping ceilings, which sucks, but hey, it costs $80K to move, so we’re staying put forever, O.K.?
Most of today has been spent expanding our downstairs office. There are no decent private printing companies in the UK which will cheaply and confidentially print nekkid chix to a decent A3+ quality, so rather regrettably, we have to do this ourselves. Likewise, medium format cameras remain a remote and erotic dream, because of our location. The poor chap goes to sleep fantasising not about beautiful ladies, but rather drooling over 16 bit colour depth (all hail the sacred Hasselblad!) but this remains a distant illusion because of the staggering cost of shooting digital in medium format. Alas we cannot shoot film here. The UK has very strict laws on disposing of poisonous chemicals such as those required for medium format film cameras, and we are on private drainage here, so it’s impossible to dispose of said horrible chemicals without feeding noxious goo into my vegetable patch and dying a violent death shortly afterwards. The only choice for us re medium format is to shoot digital.
The man eats and dreams a digital-back Hasselblad, which would set us back at least a year’s school fees at Hogwarts for the two boys (or four sets of breast implants – take your pick. And please do imagine what I‘d look like with eight very large perky rubber breasts) So medium format remains but a distant dream, and he sticks with his trusty Canon EOS5D and muddles through, despite that the spiritual Photographic Guru of the internet tells us that the camera is not important and that we should spend our hard earned cash on lighting instead (yes the Great Wise Guru uses the same camera as Rich, and yet, the laydeez don’t look quite as sexy under our watch!) To Rich’s mind, you’re ultimately not a serious art-nude photographer until you’ve got at least one book publication or one gallery showing with your big shiny medium format camera.
Anyway, we have decided that we are going to try to sell prints (Need money. Money = food. Please buy our prints oh wonderful browsers looking for porn), so we have negotiated at big expense a new A2 printer, the bloated Epson Stylus Pro 4800, which takes up a huge amount of space, hence the new expanded office layout to make room for this vast piece of equipment. I’m not sure if I’ll look better or worse printed A2 size, but it sure as hell shows a heck of a lot more wrinkles and cellulite. Poster size, it’s definitely enough motivation to put me on a diet! I look very big and old when I’m puffed up big, dammit!
On the bright side, we have now moved the office round substantially, so I have a much bigger working space, plus I don’t have to be driven completely and utterly crazy by watching him constantly biting his nails when he’s stressed!
Wonder what my bum would look like A2 size…
Stop press…..horrible result……hideous beyond belief….I look like a large lump of blubbery Jell-O….the stuff of nightmares…..Not even Digital Gem can save me…let’s not go there ever, EVER again…
Heaves a sigh of relief and returns to the youthful Jenvy, beautiful both in A2 or squished up tiny for Blogger.
A photographer is only as big as his equipment, don’t you think?!
Most of today has been spent expanding our downstairs office. There are no decent private printing companies in the UK which will cheaply and confidentially print nekkid chix to a decent A3+ quality, so rather regrettably, we have to do this ourselves. Likewise, medium format cameras remain a remote and erotic dream, because of our location. The poor chap goes to sleep fantasising not about beautiful ladies, but rather drooling over 16 bit colour depth (all hail the sacred Hasselblad!) but this remains a distant illusion because of the staggering cost of shooting digital in medium format. Alas we cannot shoot film here. The UK has very strict laws on disposing of poisonous chemicals such as those required for medium format film cameras, and we are on private drainage here, so it’s impossible to dispose of said horrible chemicals without feeding noxious goo into my vegetable patch and dying a violent death shortly afterwards. The only choice for us re medium format is to shoot digital.
The man eats and dreams a digital-back Hasselblad, which would set us back at least a year’s school fees at Hogwarts for the two boys (or four sets of breast implants – take your pick. And please do imagine what I‘d look like with eight very large perky rubber breasts) So medium format remains but a distant dream, and he sticks with his trusty Canon EOS5D and muddles through, despite that the spiritual Photographic Guru of the internet tells us that the camera is not important and that we should spend our hard earned cash on lighting instead (yes the Great Wise Guru uses the same camera as Rich, and yet, the laydeez don’t look quite as sexy under our watch!) To Rich’s mind, you’re ultimately not a serious art-nude photographer until you’ve got at least one book publication or one gallery showing with your big shiny medium format camera.
Anyway, we have decided that we are going to try to sell prints (Need money. Money = food. Please buy our prints oh wonderful browsers looking for porn), so we have negotiated at big expense a new A2 printer, the bloated Epson Stylus Pro 4800, which takes up a huge amount of space, hence the new expanded office layout to make room for this vast piece of equipment. I’m not sure if I’ll look better or worse printed A2 size, but it sure as hell shows a heck of a lot more wrinkles and cellulite. Poster size, it’s definitely enough motivation to put me on a diet! I look very big and old when I’m puffed up big, dammit!
On the bright side, we have now moved the office round substantially, so I have a much bigger working space, plus I don’t have to be driven completely and utterly crazy by watching him constantly biting his nails when he’s stressed!
Wonder what my bum would look like A2 size…
Stop press…..horrible result……hideous beyond belief….I look like a large lump of blubbery Jell-O….the stuff of nightmares…..Not even Digital Gem can save me…let’s not go there ever, EVER again…
Heaves a sigh of relief and returns to the youthful Jenvy, beautiful both in A2 or squished up tiny for Blogger.
A photographer is only as big as his equipment, don’t you think?!
Labels: Jenvy
posted by Lin at 7:24 PM
3 Comments:
Not just lighting gear, but glass! Yeah, glass!!!! Glass and lighting, that's where it's at. (Now, if only I can find the $$$ to spend on glass... "L" glass! I got the lighting stuff mostly covered.)
P.S. I'm carefully cultivating my spiritual guru status. Someday, I hope to be universally recognized as the Dahli Lama of Nekkid Wimmen Photography. Hey, it's a goal, right?
Truth is a photographer's dick size really is reflected by his cameras. More and bigger cameras let the world know what you're about.
This is why I only use 20"x24" view cameras in my work, and only 1000mm lenses.
To do otherwise would simply be lying.
-Don
Mr Nelson is aboslutey corrrect..this is why I prefer a Macro lens glued on my cellphone camera.
bt
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