"It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now mine."

The day job hasn’t gone so well in the last month. August is one of our worst months for sales anyway, as most folks are on holiday and email software isn’t top of the “Must Buy Now!” list. So we’ve been definitely edgy and pretty stressed lately. Lack of regular income will do that to you.

So last night we were wondering about the day-job, thinking maybe we should give up doing software, do something else for a living. Plus Rich was wondering the usual kind of angsty stuff, you know, "Is this all that I am. Is there nothing more? What am I meant to do with my life? Is there such a thing as fate and destiny, or is life just all chaos theory, and are we in fact tiny furry creatures living in a locker and worshipping a giant watch?”

Yes we all get moments like this, but unfortunately this was at midnight after I’d done a thirteen hour day, so I really just wanted to go to sleep. So instead of being a good wife and talking about it until 2 a.m., I muttered something soothing (but probably meaningless), said my prayers and promptly went to sleep. What I didn’t tell him was that, before I lost consciousness, I sent out a request to the cosmos : "God, the Universe, Great A'tuin, whatever you are, send us a sign. Tell us what we are meant to be doing with our lives. If there is such a thing as destiny, please let us know unequivocally what we are supposed to be doing? Now Rich doesn’t believe in a Higher Power, so you’d better make it a really GOOD sign. It has to be unambiguous. Send us an email. That should do it. Thank you God. Goodnight.”

Rich has his own religious leanings, but they are so buried in physics, that I don’t remotely understand them. He is a scientist, and he has no concept of simple blind faith. He’s not exactly an atheist, but he does believe God/fate/destiny/the man on the moon are all irrelevant. He thinks most religions are just a way of subduing the masses.

He is used to my wacky faith and is very understanding, and treats me as if I’m some sort of unstable mental patient, to be indulged, tolerated and treated kindly. Clearly he thinks I’m out of my tree, and he’s probably right. But what he can’t deny is that my methods do work. One of the little-known facts about cancer survivors is that they are more in touch with the “great unknown” than other mortals – they just KNOW MORE. After going through that much crap and facing your own mortality, answers to big life-changing decisions now come easier. It’s kind of like having a direct line to The Great Spirit’s pet hawk, or whatever deity or wisdom you believe in. So when I send out my questions to the cosmos, I’m pretty damn sure I’m going to get an answer. It might not be the answer I am looking for, but there’s definitely something out there.

And so it was this time too.

When we got up and checked our business email inboxes today, there was nothing there.
*Sigh* Depressing but predictable.
In fact there was only one email waiting for Rich, in his photography inbox…

“Hi Richard,

I have an adult video shoot that I'm trying to pull together in Norfolk on Saturday afternoon and wondered if you'd have any interest in shooting the stills. If you are interested in discussing details please email me blah, blah, blah…"

XXXmodelling Studios


When I read this, I started laughing and I couldn’t stop.

The universe had spoken….God wants us to shoot porn for a living…

Well at least we know the cosmos has a sense of humour!

However, in the grand scheme of things, whether or not this is a genuine call from the cosmos or just the insane ramblings of a deranged old woman, this actually makes no difference. For every thing that happens to you (reality or illusion, it doesn’t matter), the important thing is how you decide to react to it. Whether or not something is fate or destiny, or just random farts of the cosmos, this is actually irrelevant.

For every occurrence that life throws at you, each perturbation, you can behave like you have no choice, that you are a born loser, that the universe is out to get you. Or you can behave like you have a choice, that you are a winner, and that the universe is neither for you nor against you but is a playground in which almost anything you set your positive mind to doing, can be achieved.

Ultimately, it is you who has the power to decide how to react.

This is your choice, not your destiny.





Alas I'm all out of Star Wars porn shots, so you're going to have to live with this one instead.