Honesty.
There is a reason why I don’t have many friends. It’s called honesty.
I tend not to pretty things up for people, I’m blunt, I call it how I see it.
The friends I do have know and accept this, and understand that if you ask my opinion then you had better be damn sure you want to know the honest truth because I won't dress it up.
I don’t often tell people my opinion without being asked. It’s not polite.
I have spent most of this week angry.
Angry at the injustice of a world that in one week would make Lin sick, break my children’s arms, give me a two day migraine headache, and then have a competitor in our day job phone all our resellers to slag off our products and try to sell theirs.
Most of that has passed now. But I’m still angry.
Not at the world. After all, the world just rolls the dice and sometimes you win, and sometimes you loose. It’s neither fair, or unfair, it just is.
But people, there’s the rub.
People have a choice. People can decide to be good, bad, indifferent or anything else. People can care or not give a damn. As I grew up I had great faith in humanity. That people were on the whole good and cared for others. Sympathised with them and on the whole wished them well. As I have grown up I have come to realise that I was wrong. That those who you would call your friends often don’t give a damn. They want only what you can give to them, beyond that you are not of interest.
I think that this week the last vestiges of my faith in humanity died and I am again angry.
I’m angry at 598 people.
That’s the number of people who have read this blog, since Lin posted her comments about having a bad week and being diagnosed with cancer, and were so indifferent that they didn’t leave a comment, didn’t post a message, email or anything else to offer Lin their best wishes. Shame on you.
You are the reason I have no faith in humanity any more. It's difficult to have faith in the whole when only 0.6% of the world live up to your expectations. But I doubt if you give a damn.
Here is a pretty picture to sooth your brow after that, I doubt if you care who it is as long as there are tits in it and I don’t mention the C word.
I expect that this post will lose me 598 readers. Well I don’t care. I would rather take my photographs and write the blog for the 5 people who gave a damn, than the rest of you.
I tend not to pretty things up for people, I’m blunt, I call it how I see it.
The friends I do have know and accept this, and understand that if you ask my opinion then you had better be damn sure you want to know the honest truth because I won't dress it up.
I don’t often tell people my opinion without being asked. It’s not polite.
I have spent most of this week angry.
Angry at the injustice of a world that in one week would make Lin sick, break my children’s arms, give me a two day migraine headache, and then have a competitor in our day job phone all our resellers to slag off our products and try to sell theirs.
Most of that has passed now. But I’m still angry.
Not at the world. After all, the world just rolls the dice and sometimes you win, and sometimes you loose. It’s neither fair, or unfair, it just is.
But people, there’s the rub.
People have a choice. People can decide to be good, bad, indifferent or anything else. People can care or not give a damn. As I grew up I had great faith in humanity. That people were on the whole good and cared for others. Sympathised with them and on the whole wished them well. As I have grown up I have come to realise that I was wrong. That those who you would call your friends often don’t give a damn. They want only what you can give to them, beyond that you are not of interest.
I think that this week the last vestiges of my faith in humanity died and I am again angry.
I’m angry at 598 people.
That’s the number of people who have read this blog, since Lin posted her comments about having a bad week and being diagnosed with cancer, and were so indifferent that they didn’t leave a comment, didn’t post a message, email or anything else to offer Lin their best wishes. Shame on you.
You are the reason I have no faith in humanity any more. It's difficult to have faith in the whole when only 0.6% of the world live up to your expectations. But I doubt if you give a damn.
Here is a pretty picture to sooth your brow after that, I doubt if you care who it is as long as there are tits in it and I don’t mention the C word.
I expect that this post will lose me 598 readers. Well I don’t care. I would rather take my photographs and write the blog for the 5 people who gave a damn, than the rest of you.
posted by Richard at 9:55 AM
11 Comments:
Sometimes people just don't know what to say to a situation like that? When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, a very strange thing happened. People stopped calling, people started avoiding her when she went to the store. Even her own sister (the only one that was still alive - after 3 others had died from the same thing). They had a big falling out over it, and never talked since. I will never forget how upsetting that was to her. And then, about 10 years after my mother had died, the other sister was faced with the same type of cancer as well. We talked on the phone often through her fight with ovarian cancer. One time I called her, and she told me she understood why my mother had felt that way, as people were now avoiding her, and it was very upsetting to her.
Bottom line... I don't think people were doing it because they didn't care, I think they are maybe just stumped and scared, and just didn't know what to say. And even though cancer has pretty much been part of my upbringing, it was around me all the time, and I've spent lots of time with people who were going through chemo, radiation, etc,.. I still sometimes get stumped and scared.
Lin, my heart goes out to you. I was thinking about it a lot yesterday, pondering how to respond, but I couldn't find the right words. I know how devastating the news must be, but I also know that somebody like Lin will pull through.
She is an inspiration, and I know she has so much strength and determination, she will find a way.
Iris
Honesty? Sure. Why not?
I don't think you're angry at "x hundred people" -- i think you're angry at circumstance...but it's easier to be angry at people (even ones you don't even know) than at circumstance, which absolutely doesn't care what you think of it.
If you want to be angry at "us" feel free to do so...But I would think you'd be smarter than to give hundreds of faceless browsers so much power over your world.
Thank you for your comment Iris.
Lin has a friend who was diagnosed with cancer (with similar levels of readership) and posted about it on her blog. She had over 90 responses. Just simple things like "You have my best wishes."
In the real world support can come from a look, a nod, a touch. In the online world, silence is just ... silence. Given that more people live online lives and more people will come into contact with cancer than ever before, maybe its time for people to learn to vocalise just a small feeling of support.
"My thoughts are with you."
"You are in my prayers."
"You have my best wishes."
These are a few words that in the online world mean the difference between a smile and a nod and deafening silence.
Or maybe its just that the art community looks to its ivory tower and doesnt like the earth below.
Mnmjr. Lin considered the readers of the blog to be her friends. She now feels that this is simply wrong and that people just dont care. When people hurt the one you love you get angry with them. So please dont presume that I am projecting my anger from elsewhere.
Well, this may be too late in coming, and for that I'm a personally VERY sorry. I've been trying to send you an email since last WED! I'm now preparing to throw my PC out the window, and wishing it had pretty lights and nuddie pics on the front so it would make a prettier thud when I do. I'd hoped to email to you, instead of comment publicly... though it really doesn't matter because I may be ALMOST as blunt as you sometimes.
I've not been where you are. I won't be so obnoxious as to say I have. I've been very close, 7 years ago... I've had them telling me to wait 24 hours, and THEN they'd tell me if I was dying of cancer within the year or not. Everyone freaked out but ME. I just wanted an answer, so I could then go on with my life. So I knew what I was facing, and could face it as best I knew how, and could then try to inject some damn FUN back in my life.
My life has been a journey to deal with non-stop pain ever since... and I don't know how well I've always done at injecting the fun. But, as of the last year or so, I'm making a damn strong effort to.
That's what I hope for you. That I hope you'll find, with your wonderful husband and children. That, no matter if you're with them until you're 90 (which is what I'M planning on for you, just so you know), that you'll be able to use this to know what is worth it and what is not. WHO is worth it, and who is not.
That is what situations close to this have taught me, and I'm continuing to learn more each day. I hope you'll continue to help teach me, through the example you've set here as long as I've been reading "art" blogs.
As always, all my best to you and the family,
Lela
Boy glad I was one of the .6%. Seriously those of us who have had/have cancer have a totally different reaction than people who haven't dealt with it. The lucky ones get sidetracked to "what if it was me" or even less correct to think/say "glad it's not me".
To quote Iris, "Bottom line... I don't think people were doing it because they didn't care, I think they are maybe just stumped and scared, and just didn't know what to say."
She hit it on the head for most folks.
"Friends"? Most of the "people" you're "angry" with and Lin is "hurt" by aren't even *real*. Considering people that look at one's blog to be one's "friends" is...well, let's just call it old-fashioned, which isn't bad -- it's just not particularly healthy in this context.
But then again, I don't consider most of the people who *call* themselves my friends to be my friends.
Case in point: There's a woman i've known for over 10 years who is almost never seen with me in public, makes a point of embarrassing me when we are in public, rarely calls me, returns my calls even more rarely, and when we do talk, she dismisses everything I say -- until someone *else* says it. I'm sure if you asked her, she'd consider us great friends, not to mention being totally shocked at what I just wrote about our relationship...which just goes to show you that her version of "friendship" is markedly different than mine.
That said, if I wasted one second of my time being "hurt" by her attitude towards me, what would that make me?
And I still think you're more angry at circumstance than at however many people aren't behaving as you'd like. It's just easier to get angry at a person than at circumstance, which can't be bothered to read *anybody's* blog, naked chicks or not.
Thanx to everyone for comments, support and for reading this. I'm not after the sympathy or pity vote at all, but there's no doubt you've caught us at a vulnerable time.
I don't know about "healthy" Melvin, but I've actually made quite a few "real" friends over the internet.
I also personally know of three couples ("real" friends of mine) who have met and got together via the internet and their blogging.
Sure you can make close friends and relationships online - there are a few people who read this blog who I would consider friends, real ones, and I expect to make more too.
I count you as one of them, as I have told you before. Whether or not that makes me old-fashioned or unhealthy in your eyes, or even whether or not you consider me in the same light, is actually irrelevant to me. If that makes me naive, then so be it.
My heart goes to you and your family from this side of the pond.
Lin,
If what I thought or how I reacted to your posts was "irrelevant" to you, we wouldn't still be talking about it, would we?
Sure, I've made some friends online too, but I don't expect everyone who reads my various blogs for the dirty pictures to behave as such. Perhaps that makes me "cynical" but I don't post personal stuff online for a reason (a lot of reasons actually). If you or your SO is going to do so, there is a legitimate risk/reward scenario you need to take into account when doing so.
You're more than welcome to metabolize that risk/reward factor any way you wish, but did Rich's "honesty" move make him feel any better? Did it make YOU feel any better? What was gained?
Those are only questions you can answer.
Melvin, please forgive me if I don't consider risk/reward scenarios when I've just been diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour.
You just have to keep pushing don't you? Congratulations! You actually managed to hurt me. I assume this was what you were after, so mission accomplished, no doubt.
Please do not reply to this post. You've done enough damage over the last couple of days.
I never cease to be amazed at how nasty people can be online.
Big hugs to Lin and Richard. And the kids. This is so not the time to be dealing with negative commenters.
a
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