Seasonal Fluctuations

‘Tis the Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

I love the autumn. This is actually my favourite time of year. The leaves slowly fall, the conkers drop, the house gets cleaned thoroughly, the chimney swept, winter logs are brought in for firewood for the stove, the duvets and curtains get changed for snuggly winter weight, the autumn blackberries, apples and elderberries are harvested and frozen down for winter.

And women get horny.

Yup. It’s definitely the season for rampant sex. According to my friends, this is an entirely normal female seasonal fluctuation. Women get randier in the autumn. I’m not entirely sure why this is. Maybe it’s the drop in temperature that makes women want to snuggle up with someone warm ‘n’ sexy for the winter. Maybe it’s an inbuilt nesting instinct. Maybe it’s the leaves. But this…er… hormone blip is very real. Most women go entirely off the rails for a period of about six weeks. After that we settle down for Christmas, but in the meantime, crazy-sex-mad-laydeez rule O.K.

Females cannot be responsible for their actions at this time of year. Mood swings, irrationality, craving for chocolate, general nuttiness, and a heightened desire for retail therapy or wild partying (in lieu of sex if not available).

Rich of course, loves the autumn. There is a reason that my three kids were born at the same time of year (about nine months hence). After all, if the poor man only has sex for two months a year, it’d better be good right?

So I would like to point out that I cannot be held responsible for the next six weeks’ blog posts. We chix are not ourselves. Instead, we are ruled by hormones, and this means that our parameters of…er…”what is art?” may have a significantly wider personal comfort zone than normal. Today for example, I have spent an inordinate amount of time talking with two female friends about sex, corsets, designer fetish heels and love dens, and the best ways to be photographed in them! So you see, I may be a rampant and deranged middle-aged sex-vixen, but I am not alone.

So folks, if you wanna lure the babes, now is the time to strut your funky stuff. If you are thinking of expanding your family, autumn is the most fertile time to explore your wildest fantasies as often as inhumanly possible (really kinky sex every day for a month gets optimum results, I promise!) If you are in the northern hemisphere and you need to spruce up your photographic erotica portfolio, now would definitely be the best time to extract the most from your modelling subjects.

As for me, believe me, I will really TRY to keep the blog as clean and pucker as possible. After all, I don’t want the models and clients to cancel, I still want my friends to continue speaking to me, and I really do want the blog to remain at least slightly artistically highbrow (yes, I know, there’s a snowball’s chance in hell of that ever happening!) I just don’t know if I’m capable of rational thought. Maybe I should just hand the blog back to Ranting Rich until deepest winter arrives. Hmm…

Must…..keep…repeating……it’s all about the art……it’s all about the art……it’s…definitely nothing to do with art…..if it’s black and white it’s gotta be art…..oh dearie me.



The Glass Nipple.