Feles mala! (Bad Kitty!)
My skin shoot went well yesterday. A bit brief as the studio was freezing (we turn the heat off at weekends) , but my skin is now immortal, even if the rest of me will never be. Apart from that, I indulged in a recently revived hobby that I engaged in many moons ago, when I was a lass: Teaching myself classical Latin.
I used to be pretty good at Latin, but that was 25 years ago. Nowadays I am extremely rusty. However even a very limited understanding of the Latin language can come in rather handy at times, if you find yourself in a tight spot. Those Romans certainly had a way with words.
Yesterday also involved me applying my considerable charm towards my dear photographer, in the vain hope that he would supply finished images of my dodgy art-nude-piccies from our recent series of shoots. Now I am justifiably very proud of these pictures. I think they are beautiful.
Rich disagrees. He says that he’s not very good at making the nether regions look tasteful. He’s adamant that in order to be classified as art, such dodgy pictures have to qualify as “erotica,” which is apparently not the same as "porn." I think this is complete tosh - “erotica” is just a label, camera angles and some fancy lighting techniques. Let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?
Anyway, apparently my recent photographs, although beautifully lit, are nevertheless too pornographic, rather than erotic, so I’m not allowed to post them.
“So why can’t we let the viewers decide?” I asked.
Him (annoyed): “We’ve had this discussion. I don’t want anyone looking at my wife’s pussy except me.”
Me: “Vescere bracis meis!”
(Eat my shorts)
Him: “What?”
Me: “Darling, it just means that this is my art too! And it’s good!”
Him: “That’s as maybe. I’m the photographer here, and I say that no-one’s looking at those photographs unless I upload them for you!”
Me: “That’s blackmail!”
Him: “And?”
Me: “If you don’t let me shoot them with you, I might just go shoot it with someone else!”
Him: “Not if I say you can’t!”
Me: “Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.”
(I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear)
Him: “What the hell does that mean?”
Me: “It means, of course, my dear, you’re absolutely right.”
Him: “Why is it I don’t believe you?”
(Pauses. Smiles kindly at me) “O.K. I can compromise. I’ve uploaded one of your pussy pictures that you can post. But that’s the ONLY ONE, O.K.? The rest are for my eyes only…”
Me (excited): “Oooh! You’re a wonderful man!”
(Rushes to examine photograph.)
Me: “Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus!”
(Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!)
Like I said, no-one could express themselves quite as well as the Romans.
I used to be pretty good at Latin, but that was 25 years ago. Nowadays I am extremely rusty. However even a very limited understanding of the Latin language can come in rather handy at times, if you find yourself in a tight spot. Those Romans certainly had a way with words.
Yesterday also involved me applying my considerable charm towards my dear photographer, in the vain hope that he would supply finished images of my dodgy art-nude-piccies from our recent series of shoots. Now I am justifiably very proud of these pictures. I think they are beautiful.
Rich disagrees. He says that he’s not very good at making the nether regions look tasteful. He’s adamant that in order to be classified as art, such dodgy pictures have to qualify as “erotica,” which is apparently not the same as "porn." I think this is complete tosh - “erotica” is just a label, camera angles and some fancy lighting techniques. Let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?
Anyway, apparently my recent photographs, although beautifully lit, are nevertheless too pornographic, rather than erotic, so I’m not allowed to post them.
“So why can’t we let the viewers decide?” I asked.
Him (annoyed): “We’ve had this discussion. I don’t want anyone looking at my wife’s pussy except me.”
Me: “Vescere bracis meis!”
(Eat my shorts)
Him: “What?”
Me: “Darling, it just means that this is my art too! And it’s good!”
Him: “That’s as maybe. I’m the photographer here, and I say that no-one’s looking at those photographs unless I upload them for you!”
Me: “That’s blackmail!”
Him: “And?”
Me: “If you don’t let me shoot them with you, I might just go shoot it with someone else!”
Him: “Not if I say you can’t!”
Me: “Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.”
(I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear)
Him: “What the hell does that mean?”
Me: “It means, of course, my dear, you’re absolutely right.”
Him: “Why is it I don’t believe you?”
(Pauses. Smiles kindly at me) “O.K. I can compromise. I’ve uploaded one of your pussy pictures that you can post. But that’s the ONLY ONE, O.K.? The rest are for my eyes only…”
Me (excited): “Oooh! You’re a wonderful man!”
(Rushes to examine photograph.)
Me: “Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus!”
(Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!)
Like I said, no-one could express themselves quite as well as the Romans.
Labels: Miscellaneous
posted by Lin at 2:32 PM
7 Comments:
Best Latin Line, uttered by a friend of Mine (when we were 18, at a party, and got our underaged hands on too much beer, and booze)?
Fui Ire Simile Cermanten Equus
been a long time, hope the spelling is close.
Quis a speciosus pussy vos have!
One of the funniest posts I've read in ages!!!
Who said Latin was a dead language anyhow?
Other than Patty, you are only person I know of who took Latin during early school years. What a blessing!
I only discovered this about Patty when she studied pharmacology as part of her nurse practitioner training. The ease with which she learned--and understood--hundreds of drug families was awe-inspiring.
Well, you both have seen one of my pussy photos. If Rich can see one of mine, I get to see one of his!
Stephen
No, willt, others of us were so cursed. I took four years of Latin and translated the Elegies of Sulpicia, 20 BC. She was a feminist who complained about her lover's toga chasing, his "maxima causa," and taught me about Roman methods of birth control. In the end, though, I considered making a bonfire of my Latin textbooks. Thanks for igniting memories, Lin!
all porn is erotica but all erotica is not porn.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home