Cure for the winter blues

Yesterday was supposed to statistically be the worst day of the year. The 21st January is when most people are most depressed, on average throughout the year. Considering what happened to the world stock market yesterday, this may well be true. But in actual fact the reason is chemical, not (just) financial.

We’re animals, so we’re supposed to be hibernating at this time of year. There’s less daylight, it’s cold and thus our metabolisms run slower. Our bodies want to hibernate, snuggle up in a nice warm comfy rabbit hole and go to sleep. A hundred years ago poor Russian peasants used to hibernate every winter, in order to stay alive during the winter months when food supply was scarce. They woke up once a day to eat, and slept the rest. This winter sleep was called lotska. (Sounds like a good way of avoiding the market crash to me.)

Nowadays, we don’t sleep as much as we should, of course. We must work, and because of the nature of modern society, we have to keep going regardless. Depression at this time of year is very common. Seasonal affective disorder is rife. Shorter days and longer hours of darkness in autumn and winter cause increased levels of melatonin and decreased levels of serotonin. The imbalance of these two hormones creates the biological conditions for depression.

The problem is caused by a cute little serotonin transporter called SERT, which is a throbbing little molecule that pumps serotonin back into cells. In the winter, the horny SERT becomes hyperactive with desire, and a little over-enthusiastic in its performance. The end result is that the hormone is sucked from the junction between neurons, called the synaptic cleft, much too quickly, resulting in a completely unsatisfied hormone imbalance, and those deeply frustrating seasonal blues.

Anyhoo, if any of you are still awake, you are doubtless on the edge of your seat, dripping with anticipation and longing to learn just what you can do to flog those sexed-up little SERT’s into submission. (Right? Right? Is anyone still reading this?)

Bright Light therapy can of course help with SAD, because of the increased vitamin D supply. But if you can’t afford a lamp, or if you can’t get out in the garden or get some exercise and some sunshine regularly, then may I recommend vitamin D3 supplements. Plus magnesium, B6 and High quality fish oil (EPA/DHA) daily, or just eat fish several times a week. The fish intake is critical. If you don’t get enough omega 3, you are going to screw up your body big-time, I promise you. People who have the right omega 3:6 ratios in their body rarely get depressed. Are you a vegan? If so, eat flaxseeds and walnuts every day instead.

Of course you have to be boring and live sensibly. You know the drill. Eat regularly, keep your glucose levels steady, no sugar, less saturated fat, more veggies, eat good food and not rubbish. Oats for breakfast are known as nature’s anti-depressant, so porridge is good mood food if you eat it. Chucking plenty of lemon balm in your cooking is a great stress reliever too.

O.K. enough of the nutrition stuff. (Once I get started it’s complete verbal diarrhoea, I swear. For the love of all that is good and sacred in the world, keep me OFF the subject of food.)

Lastly, my final prescription for perfect happiness? Lots of snuggling up in bed with your loved one. Steamy, raunchy, unbelievably good sex with oodles of orgasms is the perfect cure for those winter blues.



What? You mean you didn’t come here for a science lesson, or to hear about my sex life? O.K. I admit Pirate Maiden may go some way towards cheering you up too.