Limbo lower now
Honey doing the limbo
I’ve decided to stop modelling to “higher.” The whipped cream shot in my previous post will be the last you see of my “bits” for a long while. Cries of relief all round, I’m sure.
Don’t get me wrong, these shots were a lot of fun to create, and mucking around in the studio with Rich at weekends with a bottle of wine was immensely relaxing for both of us. And the images were kindly received which was a pleasant ego boost for me too (not that I needed it - my ego is supersized already), but…there is always a butt…
I didn’t shoot pussy shots to get comments, I didn’t shoot them to shock, or arouse others or be “out there” and I didn’t shoot them because I thought they were art either (I have no idea if they qualify as art and frankly I don’t care.) I didn’t need adulation (although that is always nice, but I’d much have my ego stroked for my writing thanks, not my groin.) So why did I shoot nothing but erotica for the best part of a year? Did this photographic genre reflect my personality? To some extent yes, I do have a saucy British side, and I can be incredibly rude (naughty-rude rather than verbally offensive although no doubt I’m guilty of that too) but horny porny Lin is not really who I am (unless you get me completely plastered in which case all bets are off and BTW I totally deny everything.)
If I’m being completely honest with myself, the real reason I shot erotica was a psychological reaction against my cancer. It was a rebellion, a way of fighting it. Porn was my weapon. Exposing my ass (literally) to my disease was my way of saying “fuck you Big C, I’m going to beat this, and there’s nothing anyone or anybody (especially my crappy body) can do to stop me.”
But then I got nuked and took six months off modelling. Incapacitated in hospital, and then at home, I had nothing to occupy my mind and so I started to study photography and the reasons behind it, and consequently I changed. I’m not saying anything as corny as “I grew”, but I did discover new and exciting reasons why photographs evolved, why photographers thought as they did and the reasons behind the creation of their art.
My lifelong obsession, my raison d'être if you like, has always been a fascination with people, who they are and why they think as they do. Nude photography (and indeed all photography) is fundamentally about people. A photograph (good or bad) will tell you way more about the creator of the photograph than it ever will about what the photographer thinks he is showing you. You just need to know how to look. My six months off modelling, which was largely spent reading about photography, really gave me a good kick up the ass and made me re-evaluate who I was and what my priorities were. It taught me as much about myself as it did about the photographers I was studying, probably more. And most importantly, along the way I learned to really see a photograph. And that new understanding fundamentally changed the entire way I looked at the world. It changed Lin, the person.
Do I regret that explicit modelling phase, most of the results of which you’ve never seen and now probably never will? Not for one moment. For one, the making of them will make good stories. Secondly they were fun, as well as a way of losing myself and forgetting the psychological and physical crap I was going through. Thirdly they tested the limits of what I was prepared to show of myself to the world, and if you don’t experience your limits, explore that side of yourself, how are you ever going to know what makes you tick?
But I don’t need that weapon any more. I don’t need to fight my disease because I’ve accepted it as part of me. I’ll always love modelling (particularly the wackier stuff) and I’m still going to do it because helping to create photos (note I’m not using the word “art”) is a lot of fun, and it makes Rich and I happy to spend time together mucking around with a camera. But my desire to model no longer goes deeper than that, I’m afraid. Fun should be enough of a motivation, at least for me.
For me personally there are more important things to do than use my dodgy modelling as therapy (although it does work) and there’s much more to life than showing my hairy old crotch to the world. I don’t have time to be ill. I have more important things to do: Living (one day at a time), breathing (in and out), writing (little and often) and most importantly, loving. I’m rather good at that last one, even if I do say so myself.
You can never have too much Honey.
posted by Lin at 5:05 AM
6 Comments:
As lovely as the other models are who grace this blog, I do always stop by hoping to see more shots of you, Lin, and always enjoy them when they do turn up. Whatever the motivation, yes, you've been making some wonderful work with Rich and they're always a pleasant surprise. I hope you'll continue to sneak a few of these shots into the blog now and again.
Motivations are a funny thing... in some ways, does it matter what the motivation is as long as it gets a person moving and producing? Some of the greatest songs ever written were created by people who knew they needed a hit or they'd have to find an office job. In most instances, can you tell the motive behind an image? Was it an inspired concept, or did the photographer want to put a new lens thru its paces? Don did a great post about Helmut Newton the other day which boiled down to Newton just shooting what he did because it felt right, with the critics ascribing intentions and artistic motivations after the fact.
Keep doing what feels right, Lin. :)
I find the older I get the more texture I get.
I can't wait to photograph myself nude when I turn 80.
No cry of relief. I was hoping to see where the other half of the can of whipped cream went. I'm darn sorry I won't get to see your "bits" anymore. Butt if it was done as therapy and you feel that's not needed anymore it's a good thing. We like good things. I'll take all the good things I can get right now.
I always look forward to opening the blog to see what you will share with us. I'm never disappointed. I like the passion, variety, courage and humor that you and Rich share with us. What ever winding path you choose to take I hope you leave us a string so we can follow along.
D.L. Wood
Hurrah for tales of the decision-making, minor kudos for the decision itself, and a loud Bronx cheer for the withdrawal symptoms some of us will suffer.
You already know my attitude toward erotica and explicit photography, from my photographer's standpoint, and have seen much of it. You and I differ not only in our vantage points, but as well in that I simply have decided not to show a great deal on the blog that I shoot and make available via other avenues. That doesn't affect my appreciation for it, however, as you might guess.
It does sound like Rich will continue to have carte blanche to shoot within this genre as he finds willing models, and for that wifely understanding and countenance you are to be commended. We can only hope that you will continue to write on the subject, even if your own naughty bits don't put in an appearance.
(And, P.s., I've certainly found that other models share your attitude -- using us photographers to explore their own limits, which sometimes turn out to be far more liberal than those of us behind the camera might suspect.)
Mooning the "Big C" makes perfect sense to me. Full Monty it!!!! Butt it!!! Oh, you did already...that's right. You don't need my encouragement, but you sure do have my support.
I think we each have our individual reasons for baring it all, at different levels of explicit. Be it to explore, or rebel, it doesn't matter as long as it helps us through the things we are dealing with. You have my support and admiration, with or without whipped cream.
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