The Harshest Critic

PirateMaiden 575

It sometimes strikes me that I'm a really dreadful photographer’s wife.

Over the last few years I have talked to and corresponded with many partners of nude photographers. Some are inherently hostile to their spouse’s photographic leanings of course, some have given up and either ignore their partner’s work completely or even elect for the divorce court. However occasionally I come across rare women who have instead decided on an alternative approach and are universally admiring of their hubbies. They never criticise, they never comment other than to express adoration, largely because they love and respect their partners’ art and rather than upset the applecart, they prefer instead to simply stay out of the way and keep their private opinions to themselves. They accept that he knows more about his art, because he is the photographer. His nude photography is his thang and they feel that they should tolerate, accept and recognise his work as the best art on the planet and definitely never, ever challenge it because The Photographer is God, and it doesn’t bode well for your harmonious relationship if you challenge a deity.

So if I follow their example, clearly I should be more adoring of Rich. I should always tell him his photos are wonderful and if I ever think otherwise, then I should keep those doubts to myself. But since when have I ever been sycophantic? Since when have I ever pandered to anyone’s ego? I’m not that type of person, and frankly, he deserves more.

Rich will tell you that I am a terrible partner, photographically speaking. “Who the hell wants to live with a critic?” he frequently says. He’s right of course. I give him a pretty hard time, you know. If he crops something badly, I pick fault. If his lighting is a bit off, I never let it go. If he shoots a photograph which is lacking in “mood,” I say “jeez, what happened?” I am not a nice person I’m afraid (I keep saying that and yet you still come back to read this stuff.) You should feel sorry for the poor bloke. I am the harshest critic a guy could have, and yet he gets to live with me 24 hours a day, and miraculously he still pays attention to what I say.

Now you all know I’m passionate about photography. It’s my life. And of course Rich is a really good studio photographer, no question about that, and naturally I love his work (I have good taste.) However if you just express endless adoration for someone’s photographs without any constructive commentary, just “love-love” and telling him that he’s wonderful without any input other than “Darling, you are such a Photographic Sex God,” how is this beneficial? How does it make his art grow? If all you do is suck up to your other half, your very own dedicated photographer, then you are doing him no favours at all. You are simply feeding his ego, in which case you are doing him a disservice.

As his partner, you’re supposed to be his muse - it’s your job. Get off your cute, cellulite-ridden ass (which he loves and respects more than any other, otherwise he’d never have agreed to spend his life with you) and do something useful. Criticize. Challenge (tactfully - you gotta live with the guy, after all.) Be as honest as you can be, because otherwise how else can you possibly help him? O.K. So you’re not a photographer. That doesn’t mean you can’t see. Just because you are only an occasional model (if you’re not then you should be), and just because you don’t pick up a camera yourself, doesn’t mean that you’re devoid of insight, that you should just let his ego run unrestricted. You have more access to his art than any other person on the planet. He trusts and respects you. Use that privilege to inspire him, to help him grow as an artist.

Now you might think “why should I intervene? He has plenty of other models telling him he’s fabulous. His ego is already supersized to the size of a Double Whopper with extra cheese. What the hell does he need me for?” And yes indeedy, these laydeez are young and gorgeous and they do tell him rather too often just how cute he is and how much they adore his work (how else will they get him to photograph them?) But it’s just the power of the camera talking. It doesn’t mean anything.

You are the one he loves (otherwise he wouldn’t be with you) and he values your opinion above all others. Instead of feeling threatened by his photography, you should embrace it. Love his awesome talent, yes, but use your years of artistic experience to critique it. After all this time being with him, you know nearly as much about him as he does (probably more), plus you have the benefit of being able to take a step back and really look at his work objectively and constructively. He’ll listen, believe me. Yours is the opinion that matters most in the world to him, he will love you more for taking an interest in his work, plus the quality of his art will leap forwards as a result of your honesty. For what else is love if it’s not expressing the Truth?

Trust me ladies, this is a win-win scenario. You are the ones who hold the power here.

As his muse, it is your duty to use it wisely.

PirateMaiden 580

Pirate Maiden

And before you wind up feeling really sorry for Rich having to put up with an ogress like me, let me tell you that our relationship is based on total equality and mutual truth. Oh yes it is. Namely I visited the nether regions of hell before this post met his exacting standards. Criticism is a double-edged sword. Dammit.