Seagulls, Sand, Sex, and Surveillance
"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment...it was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time.”
George Orwell, 1984
A British couple were jailed in Dubai yesterday for having sex on a beach after an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch. Not quite the done thing to do in public when living in a strict Muslim country, methinks.
In complete contrast, a UK Police Review report "Guidance on Policing Public Sex Environments" published new guidelines this week recommending that the police turn a blind eye to couples having sex in public. Considering there are copious numbers of CCTV cameras on pretty much every cliff top and beach in the UK, I now have a vivid vision of the police officer at the station regularly drooling over his nightly dose of beach-porn videos on the surveillance cameras whilst sipping on a nice, steaming cuppa Tetley tea.
“Calling Constable Smith…Come in? Report. Report. How’s the surveillance shift tonight Winston?”
“Good to hear from you Superintendent O’Brien! It’s pretty quiet here Sir. Nowt to see apart from camera twelve. Justa couple of birds on the beach...”
“Birds? Well, I’m glad they’re proving stimulating, Constable. I know the nightshift can be a rather dull affair.”
“Cor, woooweee, Super! Looky at that 'un …I didn’t know they could do it as fast as that. Lordy that’ll make a heckuva mess in a minute.”
“Is a seagull fouling the lens, Constable?”
“Nah, Super, but I can report it’s really hammerin’ away down there … blimey it’s a speedy bugger, an’ such flexibility too, I didn’t think it was capable of such maneuvers…I wonder how it does that? Maybe I should go look-see.”
“Is it really worth investigating further Constable? After all, it’s only a bird. What interest can it possibly be?”
“Yeah Boss, but you should see its chest…I’ve never seen one that big. It’s just not normal.”
“Speckled or grey, Constable?”
“Difficult to tell from this angle, guvnor, although I can see a nice flush on its breast…”
“I didn’t know you were such an ornithologist, Constable?”
“Ah, funny you should mention that Super, it’s a new hobby I’ve taken up just this week. It’s bloody amazin’ what you can see on all these little cameras. Ya learn somethin’ new every day in this job. A new growth experience for me, Boss. In fact it’s very useful practical trainin’, if ya know what I mean?”
“Good, Winston, very good. I’m very glad to hear you’re finding your job satisfying.”
“Oh yeah Boss! I can vouch I’m totally, utterly satisfied. In fact I reckon all officers would benefit from this sorta on-the-job learnin’…”
“An innovating new training regime you mean? Gosh yes, Constable. What a jolly spiffing idea! Let’s mention it at tomorrow’s Ingsoc Divisional meeting. Make it so! A full report on my desk by 9 a.m. please. Do make it detailed, won’t you?”
“I’ll make it truly graphic, Boss, I promise…”
I last had sex on Bournemouth beach in 1984 (oh the irony!) It was 1.30 a.m. on a warm moonlit night after a rowdy beach party. There were big, foamy white waves and no cameras. It took weeks to get the sand out. Those were the days, eh?
Damn, I feel old.
George Orwell, 1984
A British couple were jailed in Dubai yesterday for having sex on a beach after an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch. Not quite the done thing to do in public when living in a strict Muslim country, methinks.
In complete contrast, a UK Police Review report "Guidance on Policing Public Sex Environments" published new guidelines this week recommending that the police turn a blind eye to couples having sex in public. Considering there are copious numbers of CCTV cameras on pretty much every cliff top and beach in the UK, I now have a vivid vision of the police officer at the station regularly drooling over his nightly dose of beach-porn videos on the surveillance cameras whilst sipping on a nice, steaming cuppa Tetley tea.
“Calling Constable Smith…Come in? Report. Report. How’s the surveillance shift tonight Winston?”
“Good to hear from you Superintendent O’Brien! It’s pretty quiet here Sir. Nowt to see apart from camera twelve. Justa couple of birds on the beach...”
“Birds? Well, I’m glad they’re proving stimulating, Constable. I know the nightshift can be a rather dull affair.”
“Cor, woooweee, Super! Looky at that 'un …I didn’t know they could do it as fast as that. Lordy that’ll make a heckuva mess in a minute.”
“Is a seagull fouling the lens, Constable?”
“Nah, Super, but I can report it’s really hammerin’ away down there … blimey it’s a speedy bugger, an’ such flexibility too, I didn’t think it was capable of such maneuvers…I wonder how it does that? Maybe I should go look-see.”
“Is it really worth investigating further Constable? After all, it’s only a bird. What interest can it possibly be?”
“Yeah Boss, but you should see its chest…I’ve never seen one that big. It’s just not normal.”
“Speckled or grey, Constable?”
“Difficult to tell from this angle, guvnor, although I can see a nice flush on its breast…”
“I didn’t know you were such an ornithologist, Constable?”
“Ah, funny you should mention that Super, it’s a new hobby I’ve taken up just this week. It’s bloody amazin’ what you can see on all these little cameras. Ya learn somethin’ new every day in this job. A new growth experience for me, Boss. In fact it’s very useful practical trainin’, if ya know what I mean?”
“Good, Winston, very good. I’m very glad to hear you’re finding your job satisfying.”
“Oh yeah Boss! I can vouch I’m totally, utterly satisfied. In fact I reckon all officers would benefit from this sorta on-the-job learnin’…”
“An innovating new training regime you mean? Gosh yes, Constable. What a jolly spiffing idea! Let’s mention it at tomorrow’s Ingsoc Divisional meeting. Make it so! A full report on my desk by 9 a.m. please. Do make it detailed, won’t you?”
“I’ll make it truly graphic, Boss, I promise…”
I last had sex on Bournemouth beach in 1984 (oh the irony!) It was 1.30 a.m. on a warm moonlit night after a rowdy beach party. There were big, foamy white waves and no cameras. It took weeks to get the sand out. Those were the days, eh?
Damn, I feel old.
Labels: landscapes, state
posted by Lin at 10:51 AM
7 Comments:
Nice post Lin, amusing yet with more than a hint of truth. The photos more suggest 1948 than 1984 although the bleakness evident especially in the second photo could also be evocative of "1984". Glad they are going to ignore "crimes" which pretty much require observation to be a crime at all.
There was a similar issue with swing clubs in the county south of us several years ago. The sheriff sent in undercover "couples" to observe the "activities", they went in, uncovered, and "observed". Their friends then raided the place and arrested based on the officers observations alone. The ones that fought (including a police dispatcher) in court, instead of pleading, won. Of course most had their careers and a bunch of personal relationships ruined but the courts said that, since the club was operating within it's licensing provisions, it required a complainant citizen, not a government official on duty, to initiate an enforcement action. Looks like somewhat the same principle here, unless someone else complains there is no crime.
unless someone else complains there is no crime.
Yes, that's right. I forsee a lot of complaints though. That sort of thing is unacceptable nowadays.
As for the bleakness of those photos, they're British north-east coast beaches. You'd have to be nuts to have sex on those. You'd freeze to death and get stones up you...er...um...yes, well I'm sure you can use your imagination :-)
Interesting.
I know of someone who was caught in the act of "shagging" in public here in the US. Charged with a public sex crime...guess what?...they are now (both of them) on the Sex Offender list. This was a consensual act between adults by the way. I must mention that it was on a playground at a elementary school...but at 2am in the morning (so much for "swinging" eh?).
Of course it's safe on our property..but we avoid for above reason any frisky behavior in public save those between our property lines, including nude in the public photos (just cant risk it here...yep..no balls and way too much to loose).
Off to Mexico to a 5 star nude resort in Dec...we may break our rule a few times...;-).
bt
Nothing so adventurous as the beach but a friend and I were on a swing though the north country and she said she’d never done it in a car. Luckily I spied a over grown lane into a corn field and we solved that dilemma. No camera then to worry about. Now that I mention it she had an English background and had a rather reserve manner.
"Relax. It's Only Sex."
-A popular t-shirt imprint sold by Hustler.
"A concentration camp is a world in which people are crammed together, night and day. Brutality and violence are merely secondary characteristics. A concentration camp is the complete obliteration of privacy." Milan Kundera, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"
Perhaps the desire to give up one's own privacy is looked on as a thrill in a privileged, democratic society.
I adored your story, and sex on a beach must be tried by everybody, preferably in the mist with roaring white waves
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