Living life on the wrong side of the lens
You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you’ve got something to say.
F. Scott Fitgerald
A couple of weeks ago I had the immensely flattering pleasure of being contacted by a pretty phenomenal London photographer who wanted to arrange a shoot. As I am not a remotely passable model by any stretch of the imagination, you’ll appreciate this came as a bit of a shock. I was immensely flattered of course, and once upon a time not so long ago I would have bitten his hand off with my eagerness, but this time I took pause. Instead of an immediate “you-betcha-ass I wanna shoot,” I asked why?
Unsurprisingly I suppose, the reason was because he’d been a regular bloggie reader and he wanted to photograph and interview the blog author (he shoots for a magazine.) The desire to shoot me was based primarily on my writing rather than my appearance. Now don’t get me wrong, this is a very good thing. I’ve always put much more stock in “inner beauty” rather than the exterior packaging. I have no doubt that the shoot would have been fun, and I would have helped create some brilliant pictures too. And yet, I declined his kind offer immediately and without hesitation. At that moment I just knew it was time to go. I should point out that this was not for health reasons and not because I was flamed on Deviant Art last week either – sure that nincompoop was a dent to my ego, but let’s face it, my overly inflated ego really did need taking down a peg or two, so no real harm done.
I once heard the expression (on Iris’s blog, I think) “You don't model because you want to show something, you model because you have something to show." The problem is that the “something to show” for me isn’t physical, it’s mental. You don’t need to photograph me to know me. If you read this blog, then this is how you know me, the real me that I show through the words I write here. My body, nekkid or clothed, beautiful or ugly, is pretty darn irrelevant. It’s a shell, a husk, it’s not who I am. I’ve always believed that.
You’re reading the real me. This is the truth of who I am.
I’m a writer. It’s time I acted like one, rather than something I’m not. The greatest homage to truth is to use it.
I'd rather be writing...
F. Scott Fitgerald
A couple of weeks ago I had the immensely flattering pleasure of being contacted by a pretty phenomenal London photographer who wanted to arrange a shoot. As I am not a remotely passable model by any stretch of the imagination, you’ll appreciate this came as a bit of a shock. I was immensely flattered of course, and once upon a time not so long ago I would have bitten his hand off with my eagerness, but this time I took pause. Instead of an immediate “you-betcha-ass I wanna shoot,” I asked why?
Unsurprisingly I suppose, the reason was because he’d been a regular bloggie reader and he wanted to photograph and interview the blog author (he shoots for a magazine.) The desire to shoot me was based primarily on my writing rather than my appearance. Now don’t get me wrong, this is a very good thing. I’ve always put much more stock in “inner beauty” rather than the exterior packaging. I have no doubt that the shoot would have been fun, and I would have helped create some brilliant pictures too. And yet, I declined his kind offer immediately and without hesitation. At that moment I just knew it was time to go. I should point out that this was not for health reasons and not because I was flamed on Deviant Art last week either – sure that nincompoop was a dent to my ego, but let’s face it, my overly inflated ego really did need taking down a peg or two, so no real harm done.
I once heard the expression (on Iris’s blog, I think) “You don't model because you want to show something, you model because you have something to show." The problem is that the “something to show” for me isn’t physical, it’s mental. You don’t need to photograph me to know me. If you read this blog, then this is how you know me, the real me that I show through the words I write here. My body, nekkid or clothed, beautiful or ugly, is pretty darn irrelevant. It’s a shell, a husk, it’s not who I am. I’ve always believed that.
You’re reading the real me. This is the truth of who I am.
I’m a writer. It’s time I acted like one, rather than something I’m not. The greatest homage to truth is to use it.
I'd rather be writing...
posted by Lin at 4:01 AM
11 Comments:
OH NO.....tell me it ain't so....no more nekkid pictures? Iris stops modeling and now you too. You stimulate my intellectual side with your writing, but now your going to let my visual stimulation wither and die. You know I live for those brief snippets of your exterior packaging. OH NO...tell me it ain't so.
In reality...I,ll take my Fluffytek any way I can get it.
D.L. Wood
Lin, I'm so glad you continue to write and let us see the real you. I like what I see.
Lin, I've known of fluffytek for a long time, but only as one nude photo place among many--pretty much faceless. I've known of Iris Desault though, and from her page came here. It's so nice to find real people behind all the fluff and the tech out there.
And I want to 'amen' D.L. Wood's comments.
Big hugs and smiles to you Lin.
Your mind, wit, humor and the vitality you express is what I fell in love with, it’s a total package. It’s that ability to express your thought, fears and desires that keep you a cut above as a writer. But let face the fact that your still a mother of three lovely children and have a wonderfully supportive husband and still you make the time to share with us. Like the image that goes with this post it’s indicative of your honesty with life and the unflinching way you have of looking out on the world. I think I speak for many when I say it would be a sadder less friendly word without your view on it. I also think that your image in this post reveals the you we’ve come to love and care for and shows the inner strength you have. A very compelling photo.
I'm confused. (Like that's unusual.) This London shooter wanted to shoot you how? In your birthday suit? Or in a portrait that might reflect something more about you than your words reveal. Of course, some might argue that your words are enough. I disagree. People naturally want more. I know I do. They want an image of the host for the mind that communicates so well, so poignantly, so incisively. They want a face to plaster on the words. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's one reason photography exists. Are you hiding from celebrity? Do you fear notoriety? I've expressed to you many times, writing is your calling. As such, opportunities like this--opportunities to reach out to a greater audience--don't come calling every day.
This London shooter wanted to shoot you how? In your birthday suit?
Birthday suit, which is entirely understandable considering this is a nude blog, although I'm sure this photographer would have done a great nude portrait too.
Are you hiding from celebrity?
Yep, that's me. I've turned down two magazine interviews in the last couple of years, and one national newspaper magazine interview and accompanying shoot. It's nice to be noticed (i.e. "read") and as you so rightly observe, writing is my calling, but I have no interest in being yet another "real life true story" for the public to gawk at. I can see the headlines now: "Middle-aged Brain tumour survivor fights cancer through porno blog" or other such nonsense. A couple of years ago I did an interview for an online magazine and was horribly misquoted and misrepresented. I have friends who have experienced similar. I actively avoid publicity now.
Fame is not my aim.
Lin, before you posted the comment, I knew you didn't want to do the interview for fear of being the next tabloid freak, which is what public exposure makes of people. Nude models have to keep some degree of privacy, despite online blogging. So I am with you 100% on the decision not to be interviewed and photographed for newspapers and magazines.
But let me put it right out there to you (would you expect any less from me?). Your writing tells me who you are, and images of you, like the one where you have a peony stuck up your bum, flesh out (there's a euphemism) the full person (omg, how close I came to saying full monty). As an another example, I loved the photograph of you at your desk at work in your birthday suit. These images enhance the Lin I know from your wonderful and witty words (ah, great consonance there).
I have reduced my modeling gigs to once a month commitments, albeit multiple shoots over a period of several days or even a week. Maybe you could think of not stopping modeling altogether but just thinking in terms of an occasional release of assets (to put it in accountant lingo) in exchange for a sound investment. Like my all-time favorite, the peony pic.
I initially agreed with JimmyD that you should share your writing, story and image with a larger part of the population than you have up until now, but I also understand your explanation of why you choose not to. I still have to say that, if you ever choose to close this blog, I think that you'll have some very upset people soon ringing your phone to voice their displeasure.
Keep doing what your doing.
Cheers,
BTS
Ain't no one taking a picture of me in my birthday suit. It would be an offense to birthdays AND to suits.
I understand, however, I am curious that maybe Mr. Big Shot could have captured your mind and your skin in a remarkable way. My thought is that he would have captured your shy intelligence in a way that would have taught us more about you. It would have had to be a very trusting but very honest session.
I am intrigued at how beautiful that would have been.
Please reconsider.
Tempted though I was to copy and paste JimmyD's comment, I'll just say ditto.
Why is everyone quitting? :(
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