Online Exhibitions: The Wave of the Future?

One idea that is really taking off over here is the online art exhibition.

Of course anyone can stage an online exhibition, although the better ones are presented by specialist art galleries who usually offer a physical exhibition as well as running an online one at the same time, thus creating better publicity and more chance of paintings or photographs being sold.

However, increasingly galleries are choosing to bypass the physical exhibition (where you can go visit the gallery itself) and go straight for the full online exhibition only. Of course, the main reason for doing this is money. Costs for online exhibitions are minimal as web site software is often free and internet connection fees are very low, plus there is a huge potential for easy online marketing (Facebook, Twitter, blogs and art web sites.) Artists are also usually very willing to allow their work to be exhibited online as part of a wider collection. Not only do they need the increased publicity of their work being shown online, but they also need sales – any way they can get them.

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The viewer benefits tremendously from online exhibitions – no longer do I have to travel to central London to see a prestigious exhibition of cat paintings (yes I did say “cat” – it’s not all about nudes you know, I like furry things too.) Instead I can see a selection of online art, perhaps buy a piece that takes my fancy and I can rest assured that it will be shipped safely to me when the exhibition ends. All without leaving the comfort of my sofa! Plus, if I register with the online gallery displaying the work, I qualify for a discount voucher and they can send me cat-art news updates so I can stay in touch with any future exhibitions that they may present.

Now a lot of photographers and artists are going to say that the trend towards exhibiting everything online will push galleries out of business, but IMO I think it is a valuable marketing tool that could help them survive a rough financial period. It is also the wave of the future. Like it or not, one day all galleries will be expected to exhibit online - the punters will expect it.

However, I do concede that looking at a painting or photograph online is not the same as physically seeing it in an exhibition. A piece of art loses a lot of its emotional impact when you see it online (only) rather than physically being in a gallery, spending time drinking in the full size painting or photograph and really "seeing" it in the way that the original artist meant it to be viewed. Plus there is more detail in the original painting or print, the lighting is superior, it looks better mounted and framed, and so on....

So how do galleries make the best of both worlds – the online and the physical? Well, why not combine both? Exhibit the collection of art online, as well as making the original art available to visit in person for those that are interested enough? IMO, the combination of online and physical really works. Online exhibitions are a way of marketing art to potentially millions of people who would never otherwise have known about it. The chance for artists to sell their work goes up dramatically. Seeing a stunning piece of art online makes me MORE likely to want to go see it in person too, kind of like seeing a great movie trailer makes me want to go see “the real deal” at the cinema.

So the U.K. online art community is finally going mainsteam. The rise of social networking and online media is revolutionising the way that art will be shown, marketed and sold in the future.

The question is, what effect will it have on the future of exhibitions? Will the rise of online art encourage more people to get “the art bug” and buy an artist’s work? Will it make art collectors of us all? Will it tempt more people to go find their favourite paintings in real physical galleries because they have seen a taster online? And most importantly, will it make both artists and galleries more money?

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Images are of Pirate Maiden

For those U.K. readers who are interested, a specialist online gallery will shortly be holding its first exhibition devoted to contemporary figurative art. All the artwork will be for sale and can be previewed on the web site. The exhibition is called “Real” and will be both online and physical i.e. you like the online version you can then go see it “for real” at Heatherley’s School of Fine Art in London between 19-21st March.

The Creative Self

I've painted by opening my eyes day & night on the perceptible world, and also by closing them that I might better see the vision blossom and submit itself to orderly arrangement.

Georges Henri Rouault

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Some of you who have spent many years photographing nekkid chix will have experienced that slightly altered state of consciousness that comes when you really get involved with what you are doing. You become unaware of the passage of time and conscious thought disappears. Some photographers call this their “inner muse” talking to them, some call it “creative vision” or “inspiration” or “photographic nirvana” but basically this meditative state you’re in is where the artistic right side of the brain is working overtime and takes over the brain processes, pushing out the left half of the brain (which governs logic and analytical skills) in order to achieve that zen-like state of losing yourself in your work.

This process isn’t just about mere concentration or losing track of time. It’s about much more than that. This is about tapping into your creative juices and letting them…er…burst forth, to the extent that whilst you are “under the influence” you lose all awareness of the real world and enter an entirely different realm – that governed by your subconscious “true self.” At the end of the session, when you come out of your trance and see the results of what you’ve created, if you have utilised all those pert little right sided brain cells to their full potential, then you will really see a huge difference. You will have produced better work than you ever dreamed possible. Why? Well because – if only for a moment - you were one with who you really are.

Freud (yes I know you all hate him, but bear with me please) believed a true artist could reach into his 'preconscious', which means he could look at his own deepest psychic depths and then transform these elemental forces into art. He thought that art was a way of linking fantasy and reality, and that true creatives retain a childlike ability to tap into the unconscious, the very deep parts of the personality that most of us lose touch with as we grow up and get 'civilized'. Modern psychiatrists call it “accessing the right side of the brain.” Theologians use a different language: they call it “touching God.” Take your pick. The language which describes this process may be different depending on your beliefs (or lack thereof) but the effect is the same.

If you achieve this altered state of awareness often enough, then you will actually succeed in retraining your brain. This has long term beneficial effects because you will learn to see the real world in a completely different light (pun intended.) As an artist your mind becomes increasingly centred and trained to notice details that you’ve always missed before. You feel at one with your work, but it’s more than that. You are “transported” to another realm. You are alert but free from anxiety. The senses are heightened, everything seems brighter, richer, beauty seems more real. The artistic true self has suddenly kicked in and you have suddenly learned to see a whole new dimension which you hadn’t known existed before. Such a state of intense awareness is an amazing freedom. It’s difficult to put into words how it feels but it’s almost magical, sort of like being high but without having to pop a pill first.

By now you’ll either: a) be nodding knowledgeably because you actually know what I’m talking about b) be thinking I’m on the wacky-backy again, or c) you’ll be saying “Wow, Lin, this sounds really rather awesome. How do I do this? How do I kick-start my sleepy little right- brain cells and find my inner muse/divine inspiration/creative higher self/inner-God/ preconscious/weird psychotropic mental state and produce the art of which I’m truly capable?"

Well, despite what all those religious retreats or money-making “tap into the right side of your brain” courses will tell you, I’m sad to say that there is no tried and tested method which works for everyone. We’re all different. A very talented painter I know does it through meditation and wacky backy, a writer friend of mine does it through prayer (which isn’t so different from meditation but without the drugs bit), my own dear photographer (the jammy sod) can flip a switch in his head and do it whenever he wants whereas I, on the other hand, struggle desperately and get “there” much less often than I’d like.

The best advice I am offer you is this:

Pay attention to your teacher. That means YOU. Go with your instincts and above all be honest with yourself. Trust the way you really feel other than how you think you should feel. Then relax, pick up your camera and let those creative juices flow. And if you keep on trying and get really, really lucky, then you just might – if only for a moment – find your true inner creative.

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Images are of Pirate Maiden

Secret Addictions

“Hi! My name is Lin and I’m a secret porn addict.”

“Hi Lin! Welcome! Do have a seat and let’s all discuss this together. It’s only by sharing with each other that we can learn to overcome our problem. And trust me Lin, we really do all have a problem…”

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I was reading an article a few weeks ago (sorry, I've forgetten where) which featured some new research into the role of the internet in modern life. This British study maintained that many middle-class professionals (including doctors, managers, company directors, lawyers and bankers) have become addicted to internet pornography. Apparently they increasingly browse nekkid chix online as an escape from the stresses and strains of everyday life.

As a middle class professional who spends too much time on nude photographic blogs and web sites, I fall squarely under this diagnosis. I love looking at the images, and yes it really is an escape from the financial pressures of the day-job and I’ll often take time off from a boring work-email to check out the latest news ‘n’ views in bloggie-land. And yes, I do get cranky when I have to take a few days off from my online haven. So according to these experts, all these factors combine to make me an internet porn addict.

Dr Wood from the Portman Clinic in London believes it is the unique characteristics of the internet which have resulted in such addictive behaviour, namely that viewers have unfettered access to nudity which is instantly available with the click of a mouse. Such material presents an easy opportunity for a naughty thrill and because whoever looks at it remains (mostly) anonymous, it therefore has no consequences for the viewer. In recent years the number of online photographs and videos to do with nudity and sex has risen exponentially, with disastrous consequences. Internet porn has now become so addictive that men regularly choose it before their relationship with their partner, and many marriages are failing as the result of addiction to cyber-chix. One psychiatrist has even called it “the crack cocaine of the internet.”

According to recent statistics, it’s not just bored middle-class lawyer-come-accountants like myself who have a problem. More sixty-plus retired men browse online porn than any other demographic group. It’s been found that these horny old goats spend so much time browsing nekkid chix online that they withdraw from their families, give up hobbies and deprive themselves of sleep in order to stay up all night and network online porn. To a retired guy with nothing really to do, the internet offers a new and exciting life with infinite ways to explore strange, new worlds. Indeed, studies show that browsing this sort of thing has much less to do with sex and is in fact more of an escape mechanism. What chance does the real world stand against the temptations of a glamorous online fantasy land, where you can be whoever you want to be?

Hmm. This all sounds very sinister doesn’t it? I will admit that researching all of this actually made me feel decidedly uncomfortable. I had visions of Rich and I being labelled as pathetic porny old pervs whose lives sucked so much that we spent every waking (and sleeping) hour desperately trying to escape from our mundane and empty realities. So you’ll appreciate that such a damning diagnosis of my online habits gave me serious pause. I started to wonder if I really did have a problem?

After a few weeks ruminating over whether or not I was a secret porn addict, I finally decided that all these studies had gone a bit over the top. I don’t deny that some people have a genuine problem but I refuse to believe that the problem is as destructive and harmful as experts make out.

“Addiction” is used as a very effective get-out-of-jail-free card these days. Anything can be addictive if you let it, from drugs to alcohol to sugar to blogging to sex to power. It is human nature to crave more of things that make us feel better. Why does this necessarily make it wrong? Even if we accept that browsing nude photographs is classified as porn rather than art (and that's a big "if") it's true to say that pornography has existed for thousands of years – people will always look at it. Sure the internet makes it easier to find, but providing the material viewed is legal, where’s the harm? Why can’t I have the freedom to look at whatever I want without being told I’m addicted to it? Why does looking at nekkid chix mean it’s necessarily bad or wrong or seen as an escape from real life? Besides, what is “real life” anyway? The folks I meet whilst browsing all this “naughty art” are real people. There is a genuine community here, so rather than being labelled as an addict, why can’t I simply be enjoying spending time networking with my friends?

It strikes me that modern society is in danger of becoming addicted to addictions. The term “addiction” has become a modern psychological crutch which we use to evade our personal responsibilities. Genuine addiction to online porn isn’t a medical condition, it’s an excuse for a weak character, for someone who refuses to take responsibility for his actions: “Oh I can’t give it up, because my shrink has said I’m an addict.” Whatever happened to simple willpower?

So, am I a writer who researches nude photographic art online with like minded intellectuals, or am I a dirty old woman who is addicted to (albeit beautiful and artistic) porn as a means of escaping a boring and empty existence?

Hmm.

I guess the test is: Could I walk away from all of this if I really wanted to?

The trouble is, I’m not really sure I could…

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Images are of Pirate Maiden

Missing, Assumed Dead

Please note that this is a Friday rant by Rich.

Yes it's been a long time since I posted, but today I'm steamed up and need to rant. So here it goes:

Back in November, after having tried to make a short movie on my old consumer video camera, I decided to hassle Lin into buying me a prosumer camera. I hunted round the forums, read reviews, looked at sample footage and otherwise became a video camera bore for a month.

Then finally the decision was made, the dirty deed done, and I was the owner of a nice new shiny Panasonic HMC-151E. Yay! New toy!

I started to shoot some test footage and noticed that the images seemed to be noisier than the test footage I had seen. So I queried users on forums with various results, and finally, last week, having only had the camera for seven weeks and only shooting for six hours, I contacted Panasonic Broadcast with my concerns and sent them some raw footage.

They replied almost instantly agreeing that there was "excessive chroma noise", and asking me to return it to them on its five day warranty return program. The following day the courier arrived and the camera went off. “Wow!” I thought, that was quick, and I’ll have it back in only five days.

The next day, the 9th, I checked the repair status online. "Waiting for arrival" it said. Not to worry, the courier tracking showed it had arrived and I received an email from someone in Germany asking me what steps were taken to create the test shoot. All was good.

For those who are interested. I printed a macbeth chart, taped it to a white wall, lit it and adjusted the iris until the zebras just stopped showing (no it wasn't a picture of Africa!) So it was exposed at about the best level you could get.

Anyway, I replied to the message telling them this, and asked if they needed any more information, and pointing out the error on the status page. No reply.

On Monday the 12th, after no reply over the weekend, I emailed them twice asking them, "Did you get my message?" No reply.

Tue 12th, I emailed the original contact. No reply.

So I checked my email logs and sure enough the email servers at Panasonic showed that the messages had been received, but there had still been no reply, and the status still said "waiting for arrival."

13th and 14th passed with no status change and no replies.

On the 15th, I emailed the original contact, this time I received a reply that they had forwarded my message to the German contact. I tried phoning them, but only got an answer phone. Despite leaving a message asking them to call back immediately, they did not bother responding. There was still no email reply later in the day so I emailed the original contact again, expressing my concern that they were now over their five days on the warranty return, and yet I still didn’t have a camera and no-one would tell me what was going on.

Eventually I received a reply saying that it was all in the hands of Panasonic in Germany and they therefore couldn’t send me a replacement. I emailed them back pointing out that I wasn’t getting any replies from Germany either. No reply.

16th, Today, still no status update so I have emailed them telling them that I want a full explanation and the camera returned in full working condition or my money back and that they have the worst customer support I have ever experienced.

So my advice to anyone thinking of buying a Panasonic Professional product is that unless you work for the BBC or other major network, don't bother. There is clearly no “care” in the “Panasonic Professional Customer Care Program”, nor any display of professionalism either.

Pirate Maiden

The Kindness of Readers

I’ve often looked with a decidedly unhealthy amount of envy at certain bloggers, who sometimes receive sponsorship, book deals or other gratuities. In fact some bloggers are just so darn successful that they make a regular living wage from their hobby (although I suspect this number might be smaller than you think.) Some of my favourite photographic bloggers actually receive donations from camera manufacturers – just for a mention of the manufacturer’s equipment on their blog, or for performing a technical review. Sounds very cool, doesn’t it? Well, I’ve never known that happen in the nude photographic world. Never, ever. Nikon or Canon don’t donate free cameras to nekkid chix blogs, no matter how popular they are, and no self-respecting equipment manufacturer would want to sponsor anything that could remotely be considered pornographic, no matter how good the photographer might be. So whilst many of us may live in hope of an eventual book deal, we will most likely remain disappointed.

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Yes, it's time for those dreaded Christmas photos again

Likewise it seems that putting a Donate button on one’s blog rarely works with our genre, because no-one will want to admit to reading something…er…that might have slightly naughty pictures. (We’re not bitter about this, mind you. It’s just life.)

So we had long given up hope of ever receiving any sort of recompense for writing this stuff. Rich photographs and I write because we are driven to do so by something internal that we can’t explain or rationalise. We’re not proper artists of course, we’re merely hobbyists (yeah, that was a teensy dig, Jimmy...couldn't resist) We blog for fun, we do it because we love it. And yet…you must remember I’m an accountant so I am fundamentally materialistic by nature and my ego knows no bounds…so I do spend the occasional hour or three trying to figure out how to make this blog even slightly pay for itself. Not that we don’t appreciate the hundreds of wonderful and detailed comments we’ve received this year of course (we love you all dearly!) but photographic blogs are more expensive to run than you might think. (And if any fellow bloggers have any tried and proven methods of generating bloggie income -other than print and calendar sales- will they please share their wisdom?)

Anyway, after three years we had totally given up hope of ever receiving anything other than virtual bloggie lurve…when suddenly, out of the blue, yesterday we received a crimbo present…from a bloggie reader no less! WOW!!! This was so cool! In fact, after all this time I’m feeling rather emotional about the whole thing. I guess sometimes I forget there are real physical people reading this drivel, and that total strangers actually know us better than I think they do.

Well this kind, generous, totally fabulous, real person out there decided to send us a physical PRESSIE. We are now proud owners of the most magnificent and incredibly posh hat-box, filled to the brim with the most delicious, decedent chocolate cup-cakes. Clearly this reader knows us VERY well, as the way to our hearts is most definitely through our stomachs.

Thank you dear reader! Blogging for cakes, huh? Now I can most definitely relate to that. So howzabout a new bloggie donation scheme, our new Fluffytek marketing button:

Click Here To Feed The Starving Bloggers With Sticky Cakes

Will it work? I seriously doubt it. Not until another three years have passed anyway.

Thanks G. Much appreciated.

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Pirate Maiden, in festive feathers

Legacy

In the wide and varied world of internet nude photography, every one of us in constant touch with all types of characters: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (I don’t mean physically ugly, I mean psychologically.) If you’re not prepared to live with this sort of mix, then you’re in the wrong game. And that’s exactly what it is: a Game.

This profession has taught me more about what makes people tick than any other I know. During the last few years, I’ve come across more different personality types than you could possibly imagine. It’s a shrink’s paradise. Alongside the friendly, polite, professional photographers and the delightful, open-minded, creative models, at the other end of the scale you can swing to angry paranoid artists (who verbally attack you for barely mentioning them) and poisonous models who are so bitter and disillusioned with “the biz” that frankly they should have just quit long ago and pursued other more rewarding career paths. Mankind in all its glory. Interesting, fascinating, each a tiny but vital part of the whole.

For all of us, whether we are photographers, artists, models or writers, our interest in nude photography is primarily based on a fascination with people. Each individual character is unique, intriguing, magnetic in his or her own way. The different personality types interweave to form a giant tapestry of photographic life. A constantly changing art-work formed through the mix of desire, loss and each person’s personal shades of grey.

Each photographer’s blog is like a presentation and collection of his best work. Through studying the daily thoughts and imaginations of different photographers, through perceiving such insights that are revealed in their work that they would no doubt be horrified by how much they truly revealed over time, I have been privy to such secrets that I would find difficult to put into words, even if I felt it was ethical to do so. Through the reflection of each photographic subject, both models’ and photographers’ intimate personalities are revealed. Silent stories stare from their eyes. The photographs may appear mute, but in actual fact they are verbose with the language of life’s passions.

There is a hint of immortality in all photography, not perhaps in an individual randomly selected image, but if each photographer’s best work was collected and bound in a single edition, then that collection would intimately reveal that photographer’s personality, his hopes, dreams, faults and his attributes, his vulnerabilities and his strengths. Fragments of immense power and truth, reflected in black and white in different moments in time. Put together on a blog, such images form a cohesive body of work, an individual record of each photographic artist searching for the meaning of his life, for his raison d'être.

You are an anthology in yourselves, each and every one of you. And through your blogs, through your many images collected together, you each tell the story of how you lost your innocence, how you found your soul, and what you have yet to learn from the universe.

Your blogs are your legacies. They will endure long after we all are gone.

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Pirate Maiden

Photographic Proliferation

I’ve always been a fan of The Slow Food movement. For those who haven’t come across it before, it is a gastronomic philosophy which opposes not only the current fad for endless junk food and ready meals, but also aims to change the Western culture of rushing meals, rushing life and never taking time to slow down and really taste life.

The Slow Food movement is but a small part of a much wider cultural problem: SPEED.

All too often in this modern day and age we rush from experience to experience, never stopping to appreciate the world around us, rarely pausing to draw breath, constantly rushing towards some unnamed destination that we never find because we really don’t know what we are looking for anyway. Why do we live so fast? Because everyone else does. And as humans, we are pack animals – we are genetically hardwired to follow the herd. If they rush, so do we.

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Photographers are no exception to the herd philosophy. In this modern digital age, there is more and more pressure to produce consistently top notch pictures at a frighteningly fast rate. Every photograph must be, if not high art, then at least pretty good. There is constant pressure to compete with the rest of the herd, endless comparisons between one photographer’s work and the next, the rush to shoot more, more, more, and the never ending pressure to move ever higher, climb to “the next level,” that final level of photographic perfection where a photographer is published, featured, SUCCESSFUL. Where he has “made it as a photographer.”

Quite what “making it” means, I have no real idea. To be published? Surely not, as millions of photographers are published online all the time. To be published in a magazine or photography book? Again the standard is meaningless, as magazines and the written media are in terminal decline and in ten years time, there will be very few left. Online publishing is the new publishing medium, and it has an insatiable appetite for the new. Every photographer will get published online somewhere at some point in their photographic career, every model will be seen. There is room for all. “Being published” doesn’t really mean that much nowadays as a benchmark of success.

Maybe a better aspiration would be to photograph something genuinely unique, that no-one has photographed before. The trouble is that almost all of the world has now been photographed at some point since the invention of the camera. Only the remotest areas of the wilderness remain unseen. We don’t need to physically visit a faraway place to learn about it, we simply have to Google it and find a photograph online. No longer are we pioneers of the new, because it’s all been done for us before by another photographer somewhere, somehow. Civilisation has been conquered, dissected, analysed and made available for all to view online. The world has been immortalised by photography, there is nothing left to see. So many new photographers are rushing to joining the herd at such a rapidly accelerating rate, that there is little (if anything) left to discover, there are very few (if any) questions left that have not already been answered before by another photographer who has been there before you. Aren’t we all just running around in endless circles chasing our own tails? What IS the modern photographer’s aspiration? Does it even exist?

Viewers too are suffering from the fast food digital age. Our brains are now so saturated with images and there is so much information out there online, infinite questions about the world that have already been answered by the camera, that there is nowhere left to go. Our brains are now so befuddled with information and images that we have become numb to anything new. Because the internet and digital photography have culturally globalised the world, we no longer have the skills to differentiate between the thousands of photographs that we see every week. To a large extent, they all look the same. Familiarity has lead to boredom. The photographic herd has now become so large that bulk mediocrity has flooded our existence. We rush from image to image and can’t take in any of them properly because our brains simply aren’t wired to handle that much information. It is also difficult to judge how one photograph is more novel than another because we see so many. We are rushing again – always rushing at ever increasing speeds to the next landscape, the next nude. Click here for the instant gratification. Click again for the next. This is animal pack mentality. This is our human nature. We really can’t help this because that is how our human brains are designed. We are victims of our intellectual limitations.

Instead of heightening our senses, instead of teaching us about the world, about beauty, art, and human nature, modern digital internet photography is doing the exact opposite. It is deadening our senses, making us numb to the new, stopping us caring about being explorers and innovators. The herd is being permanently damaged by its insatiable greed for more.

How can we change this? Is there some way to retrain our brains to differentiate, or are we destined to become increasingly confused and numbed by the billions of photographs that crowd our thoughts? How can a photographer break free from his herd and create something that is unique to him, a piece of work that answers some question that hasn’t already been answered before?

We need to learn to move away from living in this photographic white bread world, slow down, and learn to really taste our new gastronomic creations rather than just living off endless junk food. We need to move from fast food to slow food. The question is how?

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Images are of Pirate Maiden

Profit from Passion?

"A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all."
Quark, Deep Space Nine, 1997.

Rich has officially given up the idea of ever making any decent money out of nude photography. And by “decent” I mean at least breaking even. With the onset of a major recession, few collectors will have the spare cash to buy prints, and the private portfolio market has dried up too. Yes he still continues to be published here and there but he doesn’t get paid for it. Of course being featured elsewhere on the net or in varying printed works is always a nice ego boost but it usually doesn’t result in financial recompense.

Magazines, blogs and web sites are invariably working on a negative budget so however much they’d like to, there’s no way they can pay the original artist. Indeed if those talented original artists did demand a significant payment then they’d never be published at all. Nowadays there are so many other digital photographers who are dying to show their work for free just for the kudos factor, why do magazines need to pay when it’s easier to pander to the millions of free wannabes out there?

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In the modern digital age, being published is more about ego stroking than money. However mere kudos doesn’t feed your family. Those who are full-time photographic artists will find it nigh on impossible to make any money out of shooting nudes. This is not because they’re bad photographers, far from it, but I would argue that the freelance nude photography market is now pretty much dead, if indeed it was ever alive to start with. Thanks to cheap digital technology, so many folks now do it that the market is saturated, and unfortunately there is only a limited market for selling pictures of naked women to both the general public and to magazines.

If you want to make money from your work then the main thing to ask yourself is “If I were a mainstream magazine editor or gallery owner, would I publish or exhibit these pictures?” If you’re totally honest with yourself, then the answer would mostly be no. Nudes have limited saleability because they usually don’t fit into the editorial policy of various magazines, and most galleries avoid exhibiting nudes because in this overly moralistic modern age, the public often object. Regarding private collectors, the sale possibilities are significantly reduced because it’s difficult to hang nude photos on your wall without the wife getting pretty pissed, oh and BTW, did I mention the recession? As for photographic grants from arts agencies and the like, forget it. You’ll never get sponsorship for shooting nekkid chix. You’re a social outcast for heaven’s sake.

IMHO, no matter how good your photography is, if you primarily shoot nudes as your main discipline, you are highly unlikely to ever make it as a world class master of any type of photography because your reputation will have been permanently tarnished. Yes, I realise that this is a highly controversial thing to say, but the art world is not what it once was. Cheap modern technology and the internet have seen to that, not to mention the new wave of politically correct morality that appears to be sweeping the western world. Would the photographic greats (e.g. Newton, Mapplethorpe, Weston) have achieved fortune and glory nowadays? I seriously doubt it. No matter how good a photographer is, no matter how unique his style (and make no mistake there are those on our blog roll on the right there who are very, very good) then the only chance they would have of “making it” is to abandon the controversial naked stuff, delete it from their ports, and shoot pure fashion and portraits instead, and even then it’s doubtful if they could pay the bills unless they have humungous budgets to support their shoots. Would Mert and Marcus be so successful if they primarily shot nudes? (Yes I know they do feature nude work, but that’s only because they are now so worshipped in the advertising industry and fashion world that they have a certain latitude to experiment with nekkid celebs, who are bound to sell magazines precisely because they’re famous.)

I guess what I’m saying is that a successful career in art isn’t about raw talent or passion. It’s about who you know, how well you network your contacts, whether or not you obsess about selling yourself (forget your work, I’m sure it’s excellent, but really you need to be Mr Schmooze or you stand no hope) and whether or not you are prepared to do what you need to do in order to achieve both photographic glory and most importantly, MONEY.

There is no merit in starving to death or not having enough dosh to pay your bills or buy more paper to print your pictures. You may only want to concentrate on photographing nudes but you can’t let this one style govern your work exclusively unless you’re a dilettante and make your main living elsewhere. It’s all very well if nude photography is your life’s guiding force (join the other millions of digital photographers out there) but nude art photography has now become so commonplace and so associated with tacky porn that its reputation has been seriously degraded. Even if you are as good as Newton (and frankly, many of you are) you are unlikely to find your work supports you financially in this modern internet age. So unless you are prepared to shoot to order, be friends with the right people and produce the type of images that your buddy clients want to purchase (even if that means moving genres) then frankly my dear, you’re not worth a damn.

Passion for nudes doesn’t pay. Adapt or starve. It’s your choice.

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Images are of Pirate Maiden

The Harshest Critic

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It sometimes strikes me that I'm a really dreadful photographer’s wife.

Over the last few years I have talked to and corresponded with many partners of nude photographers. Some are inherently hostile to their spouse’s photographic leanings of course, some have given up and either ignore their partner’s work completely or even elect for the divorce court. However occasionally I come across rare women who have instead decided on an alternative approach and are universally admiring of their hubbies. They never criticise, they never comment other than to express adoration, largely because they love and respect their partners’ art and rather than upset the applecart, they prefer instead to simply stay out of the way and keep their private opinions to themselves. They accept that he knows more about his art, because he is the photographer. His nude photography is his thang and they feel that they should tolerate, accept and recognise his work as the best art on the planet and definitely never, ever challenge it because The Photographer is God, and it doesn’t bode well for your harmonious relationship if you challenge a deity.

So if I follow their example, clearly I should be more adoring of Rich. I should always tell him his photos are wonderful and if I ever think otherwise, then I should keep those doubts to myself. But since when have I ever been sycophantic? Since when have I ever pandered to anyone’s ego? I’m not that type of person, and frankly, he deserves more.

Rich will tell you that I am a terrible partner, photographically speaking. “Who the hell wants to live with a critic?” he frequently says. He’s right of course. I give him a pretty hard time, you know. If he crops something badly, I pick fault. If his lighting is a bit off, I never let it go. If he shoots a photograph which is lacking in “mood,” I say “jeez, what happened?” I am not a nice person I’m afraid (I keep saying that and yet you still come back to read this stuff.) You should feel sorry for the poor bloke. I am the harshest critic a guy could have, and yet he gets to live with me 24 hours a day, and miraculously he still pays attention to what I say.

Now you all know I’m passionate about photography. It’s my life. And of course Rich is a really good studio photographer, no question about that, and naturally I love his work (I have good taste.) However if you just express endless adoration for someone’s photographs without any constructive commentary, just “love-love” and telling him that he’s wonderful without any input other than “Darling, you are such a Photographic Sex God,” how is this beneficial? How does it make his art grow? If all you do is suck up to your other half, your very own dedicated photographer, then you are doing him no favours at all. You are simply feeding his ego, in which case you are doing him a disservice.

As his partner, you’re supposed to be his muse - it’s your job. Get off your cute, cellulite-ridden ass (which he loves and respects more than any other, otherwise he’d never have agreed to spend his life with you) and do something useful. Criticize. Challenge (tactfully - you gotta live with the guy, after all.) Be as honest as you can be, because otherwise how else can you possibly help him? O.K. So you’re not a photographer. That doesn’t mean you can’t see. Just because you are only an occasional model (if you’re not then you should be), and just because you don’t pick up a camera yourself, doesn’t mean that you’re devoid of insight, that you should just let his ego run unrestricted. You have more access to his art than any other person on the planet. He trusts and respects you. Use that privilege to inspire him, to help him grow as an artist.

Now you might think “why should I intervene? He has plenty of other models telling him he’s fabulous. His ego is already supersized to the size of a Double Whopper with extra cheese. What the hell does he need me for?” And yes indeedy, these laydeez are young and gorgeous and they do tell him rather too often just how cute he is and how much they adore his work (how else will they get him to photograph them?) But it’s just the power of the camera talking. It doesn’t mean anything.

You are the one he loves (otherwise he wouldn’t be with you) and he values your opinion above all others. Instead of feeling threatened by his photography, you should embrace it. Love his awesome talent, yes, but use your years of artistic experience to critique it. After all this time being with him, you know nearly as much about him as he does (probably more), plus you have the benefit of being able to take a step back and really look at his work objectively and constructively. He’ll listen, believe me. Yours is the opinion that matters most in the world to him, he will love you more for taking an interest in his work, plus the quality of his art will leap forwards as a result of your honesty. For what else is love if it’s not expressing the Truth?

Trust me ladies, this is a win-win scenario. You are the ones who hold the power here.

As his muse, it is your duty to use it wisely.

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Pirate Maiden

And before you wind up feeling really sorry for Rich having to put up with an ogress like me, let me tell you that our relationship is based on total equality and mutual truth. Oh yes it is. Namely I visited the nether regions of hell before this post met his exacting standards. Criticism is a double-edged sword. Dammit.

Everyone has their price

For anyone who missed all the drama yesterday...

SuicideGirls v. Lithium Picnic Lawsuit Settled

(Thanks to Scott for the link)

So...the question for mankind is:

Did Warner sell out or was it a con?

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Image is of Pirate Maiden

The Law of the Jungle

Can freedom ever exist in the world of creative art?

This is not as stupid a question as it sounds. As artists, photographers and writers, we try to produce art because we love it, because something inside us compels us to create a fragment of beauty or meaning that we can give to the world. However conceited it sounds, we want to make our mark, leave part of ourselves out there, create our own legacies. This process of creation is, IMO, a vital act of freedom. We are free to interpret anything and everything from our imagination. If a photographer or writer loses that psychological sense that he is free, then his ego is injured, his work is below standard, and his creativity dries up because he cannot dream. Effectively he has lost his power, not just his mojo.

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Freedom is synonymous with power. When you want to produce a piece of art, you crave the ability, the choice and the freedom to do it. Whether or not you actually have that freedom depends on if you exercise your power over others, or let others have power over you. There’s truth in the old adage that no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I know a gifted glamour and nude photographer (let’s call him Luca) who prevents himself from producing the best work he can possibly do because he lets others tell them that he isn’t very good. Luca’s photographs are beautiful, but he won’t show his work and even though his friends try to bolster his self-esteem all the time, he still remains convinced that he is a crappy photographer and unworthy of recognition as an artist.

So as a result of listening to the opinion of other rival photographers (who have their own self-interests at heart), then those rivals have taken power over Luca’s self-esteem, resulting in loss of freedom. Luca’s mind is racked by insecurity and self-doubt and he has effectively built his own mental prison driven by his damaged ego. Trapped within his self-made cage, he has practically stopped producing new photographs because he thinks he is useless.

Luca needs to turn the tables on his opponents. He needs to take the power back and exploit the insecurities of his rivals. He should harden his heart, push back, exert his will over others instead of himself being coerced. In the glamour photography jungle, Luca’s potential success is produced not only by self-confidence, but also by toughness, by manipulating other people’s dreams and dictating to them what they should think of him. If Luca learns how to become good at power games, then it won't matter if his current rival is a better photographer than him (which he’s not), because Luca can still be more successful than his rival if he learns how to pimp himself, how to bullshit, how to schmooze and bend others to his will.

If this sounds incredibly cynical of me, then I do apologise. I’m simply calling it the way I see it after spending much too long (obviously) in this entertainment business. The glamour and nude photography world is not a pretty place. It’s a narcissistic cesspool of artistic egos and Luca needs to exploit that to his advantage. He needs to learn to play the Game, because at the moment he is losing. He has to harden his heart and learn to be the predator, not the prey.

The problem is that Luca is too nice. He is a gentleman, a professional, and he believes in mutual respect and freedom. For these reasons, he’s probably much less likely to ever be the outstandingly successful photographer he dreams of being. The Jungle does not care about Luca’s freedom or his dreams. It prefers to eat him.

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You make your own rules, you define your own reality, and you can be free but only if you give yourself permission to do so. You have to choose not to be enslaved by others. Take back your own power, believe in yourself, know that you can produce some really great art if you practice long and hard enough, trust your dreams and don’t let other people push you around.

Freedom and dreams are not a natural God-given right. You have to fight for them, every single minute of your life, or the Jungle will chew you up and spit you out.

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All images are of Pirate Maiden

The Absence of Self

“There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.”
Peter Sellers

No doubt some of you will be wondering why our blogging has been minimal in the past few weeks. It hasn’t all been over-work-related. I’ve been feeling slightly below par recently. This is totally unlike me, as I‘m usually an incredibly balanced and sensible person (It’s true, and you can all just stop laughing now, otherwise I‘ll thump you.). However there’s no doubt that strange things have been happening, courtesy of my expanding/shrinking/currently-in-its-death-throes-tumour.

I was warned of course that there would be lasting side effects of the treatment, But being warned about something isn’t the same as living it. The effects are really kicking in now. Vertigo, pain, nausea, chronic itchy head (I nearly shaved my head yesterday out of sheer desperation.) And my personality is changing on a daily basis, depending on what part of my brain the tumour is pressing today. Rich is an absolute saint for putting up with me, I can tell you that. For example I woke up yesterday as an atheist, for no reason at all (Rich calls it enlightenment and takes it as a good sign!)

I’ve absolutely no idea what has happened to “the real me.” She’s long gone. I’m a floating voter at the moment. I’ve nearly deleted the blog at least 21 times last week (that’s three times a day.) Now don’t you go feeling sympathy for me, 'cos that will only make me mad. And I’ll probably delete this post anyway, but assuming I decide to leave it up or you catch it via RSS feeds, this is by way of explanation as to what’s happening in The Fluffytek Photographic World. Oh and Rich worked 82 hours last week. The man is superhuman. He really is.

Anyhoo, I’m not feeling despondent about all of this, and I do know I’ll get past all the side effects, but in the meantime, you can anticipate wacky personality changes on my part, and no doubt the bloggie-style and contents will fluctuate accordingly.

For example, I’ve been tempted to pick up a camera recently. Very strongly tempted. Resistance to this foolish notion is not aided by the fact that Rich has offered me his old Canon 350D. Not that I want to shoot female nudes though. No worries there (I’m not that crazy. Yet.) But sometimes I really do get tempted to view life from the other side of the lens. T’would be interesting, and rather therapeutic, methinks. Plus it would provide answers to the constant questions I inevitably ask “How do they do that? What lighting do they use? How is a photograph produced?” (Rather than the viewer’s/writer’s perspective of why?) Hmm. We shall see. I really would make a terrible photographer you know.

Right, off to my lime-and-lemon-grass-flavoured-bubble-bath. If I don’t decide to go to the dark side and take up photography or full-time writing, I might alternatively pursue a new and exciting career inbreeding Norwegian Forest cats, or even start a company selling exotic-flavoured-bubble-bath. Plus we could get some really good photos of bubblicious models (with said Norwegian Forest Cats) soaking in a giant steamy foamy tub. Cliché. Cliché. Predictable glamour photography, I know. Rich is shuddering at the thought.

Anyway, who gives a damn if a photograph’s been done many times before, as long as it smells nice?

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Pirate Maiden. I've no idea if she smells nice, but very probably.

This post will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

For Love not Money

A rare post by our resident artiste...

Sooner or later all photographers go through a stage where they ask themselves what they want to do with their photography. What is their purpose? Why are they doing it? Over the last few months I have been thinking about these questions.

As you can imagine life is pretty full right now, and I have therefore decided that my photography should be about having fun and shooting what I want to shoot. I have been looking at the various aspects of photography and trying to decide what I really want to do. As with all things, sometimes it is easier to start with things you don't want to do and by a process of elimination deduce the things you do want to do!

So to this end I have decided that I won’t shoot any more private commissions. In fact, no paid work whatsoever. There are several reasons for this:

1. When I started my photography I was taken in by the view, which is often projected by the popular photography forums, that to be considered a good photographer your work must be such that people will pay you for it. Photographers who shoot to show or sell prints but have another day job are often portrayed as GWC's who are not doing it for the right reasons, and that the only valid reason to take photographs should be for payment. Only then will you be considered to have “made it” as a successful photographer. So I set out to be good enough to be paid, and then after I was paid, I realised that this was probably the worst reason to take a photograph. Photography should be an art, and art by its nature is seldom created on demand.

2. I don't get a lot of free time, so when I do shoot I want it to be for me.

3. I want to actually show the pictures I take. Private commissions are by their very nature private. I want to show my pictures on the blog and elsewhere, so these goals are mutually incompatible.

4. I want to shoot what I want to shoot. Most private commissions are about shooting what the client wants. At that point it stops being for pleasure and becomes a job, and I certainly don’t want another one of those.

So, I will sell prints, I will shoot for friends, but I won't shoot for money.

Stephen Haynes mentioned the term “dilettante.” I like this term as it represents the aspects of art that are free from commercial constraints. It is important to remember that until recent history, those who furthered the arts and sciences did not do so for pay, they were often wealthy and were only interested in their own amusement and education.

dilettante \DIL-uh-tont; dil-uh-TONT; dil-uh-TON-tee; -TANT; -TAN-tee\, noun:
1. An amateur or dabbler; especially, one who follows an art or a branch of knowledge sporadically, superficially, or for amusement only.
2. An admirer or lover of the fine arts.

That's me. Not that I’m wealthy of course, I’m not, but I do want to create art for no other reason than I love it. I will take photographs and create CGI art for no other reason than fun!

So if you would like a portfolio of beautiful photographs for free, then I'm your man, providing you don't mind me showing them on the blog! Oh, and coffee is good, I can be bribed for good coffee (is that TFC?)

Please note that this offer is subject to availability and no guarantee or warranty is implied. All offers carry the dilettante quality seal.



Pirate Maiden.

Cure for the winter blues

Yesterday was supposed to statistically be the worst day of the year. The 21st January is when most people are most depressed, on average throughout the year. Considering what happened to the world stock market yesterday, this may well be true. But in actual fact the reason is chemical, not (just) financial.

We’re animals, so we’re supposed to be hibernating at this time of year. There’s less daylight, it’s cold and thus our metabolisms run slower. Our bodies want to hibernate, snuggle up in a nice warm comfy rabbit hole and go to sleep. A hundred years ago poor Russian peasants used to hibernate every winter, in order to stay alive during the winter months when food supply was scarce. They woke up once a day to eat, and slept the rest. This winter sleep was called lotska. (Sounds like a good way of avoiding the market crash to me.)

Nowadays, we don’t sleep as much as we should, of course. We must work, and because of the nature of modern society, we have to keep going regardless. Depression at this time of year is very common. Seasonal affective disorder is rife. Shorter days and longer hours of darkness in autumn and winter cause increased levels of melatonin and decreased levels of serotonin. The imbalance of these two hormones creates the biological conditions for depression.

The problem is caused by a cute little serotonin transporter called SERT, which is a throbbing little molecule that pumps serotonin back into cells. In the winter, the horny SERT becomes hyperactive with desire, and a little over-enthusiastic in its performance. The end result is that the hormone is sucked from the junction between neurons, called the synaptic cleft, much too quickly, resulting in a completely unsatisfied hormone imbalance, and those deeply frustrating seasonal blues.

Anyhoo, if any of you are still awake, you are doubtless on the edge of your seat, dripping with anticipation and longing to learn just what you can do to flog those sexed-up little SERT’s into submission. (Right? Right? Is anyone still reading this?)

Bright Light therapy can of course help with SAD, because of the increased vitamin D supply. But if you can’t afford a lamp, or if you can’t get out in the garden or get some exercise and some sunshine regularly, then may I recommend vitamin D3 supplements. Plus magnesium, B6 and High quality fish oil (EPA/DHA) daily, or just eat fish several times a week. The fish intake is critical. If you don’t get enough omega 3, you are going to screw up your body big-time, I promise you. People who have the right omega 3:6 ratios in their body rarely get depressed. Are you a vegan? If so, eat flaxseeds and walnuts every day instead.

Of course you have to be boring and live sensibly. You know the drill. Eat regularly, keep your glucose levels steady, no sugar, less saturated fat, more veggies, eat good food and not rubbish. Oats for breakfast are known as nature’s anti-depressant, so porridge is good mood food if you eat it. Chucking plenty of lemon balm in your cooking is a great stress reliever too.

O.K. enough of the nutrition stuff. (Once I get started it’s complete verbal diarrhoea, I swear. For the love of all that is good and sacred in the world, keep me OFF the subject of food.)

Lastly, my final prescription for perfect happiness? Lots of snuggling up in bed with your loved one. Steamy, raunchy, unbelievably good sex with oodles of orgasms is the perfect cure for those winter blues.



What? You mean you didn’t come here for a science lesson, or to hear about my sex life? O.K. I admit Pirate Maiden may go some way towards cheering you up too.

Photoshop and Fantasies

Excruciatingly long post. Get yourself some decent coffee and draw up a comfy chair. We can’t rush this one.

About four months ago, Richard suddenly became allergic to Photoshop. Overnight he just stopped using it. Now this is the dude that is crazy about anything to do with computers, the dude who studies CGI, the dude that teaches Photoshop courses to local camera clubs, this is Mr Fluffy, skilled Photoshopper extraordinaire.

Once upon a time he used to idolise Roge who is a gifted photographic artist who spends hundreds of hours basically re-creating every molecule of skin of each of his models. Rich used to believe in the power of Digital Gem skin smoothing, he thought nothing of spending 15-20 hours after a shoot devotedly Photoshopping the images, so that each model could look perfect, better than her best, she could look at those pictures and think “Wow, I never knew I could look that good!” Indeed, without Rich’s fantastic Photoshop skills, I can guarantee I would not be a model today.

At one point, towards the latter part of 2007, his reputation actually reached the level of “respected photographer” to the extent that models would seek him out, ask him to do their portfolios, and not charge for images. We had (shock, horror) real genuine clients, who wanted the Mr Fluffy treatment. Ordinary women, middle-aged, imperfect just like me, who wanted to look good, feel sexy, and be empowered by the modelling experience. And Rich loved it. He loved the look on their faces, the widening of their eyes when they saw the images, the exclamation of “Damn, I’m hot, and I never knew it.” He really loves making women happy (it’s his biggest weakness, truth be told.)

So what the hell happened to our intrepid hero? Why did he lose his faith? Why did he cancel all the clients, back out of the professional side of things, and cancel all shoots?

Well, as I said before, the disillusionment set in towards the end of last year. He was under huge amounts of day-job pressure, and he simply didn’t have the time to spend 20+ hours post-processing per shoot. Not every shoot would take that much time, of course, but hey, we’re talking Mr Perfectionist here, aspiring to smooth-skin a-la-Roge, every wart and wrinkle removed until the client was happy and felt and looked 20 years younger. He was spending so much time in Photoshop that he had no time left for the family. It stopped being fun, and started feeling like work.

And so he cut back on post-processing. He realised that photography was not about creating an illusion, not about lying to the subject that she really DID look that good at 50, that her spotty skin was really flawless and that those several spare tyres and wrinkles didn’t actually exist. “Photoshop is not a cure for pigging out on chocolate,” he said.

He used Photoshop to smooth out the back-drop, and that was about it. The photos were still stunning of course, the lighting was beautiful, and he is a good enough photographer to position the model so that her less-than-optimal physical attributes were in shadow, or at an angle. And heck, I saw the results. They were really GOOD. The models didn’t look like marble statues - they looked REAL women. Their inner beauty showed. No they didn’t look as young, nor like they came out of a celeb-magazine, but their skin had texture, their wrinkles increased the character and beauty of the shot, not detracted from it. They still looked hot, and best of all, this was REALLY THEM (O.K. and a significant amount of photographic skill I grant you!) I was really much prouder of his new images than the previous heavily post-processed ones. Simply put, he was developing into a better photographer.



But some of the models did not like this. No, they did not like it at all. Some models who came for TFCD shoots were upset. They felt cheated. “Why haven’t you digitally smoothed my skin?” exclaimed one. “Why have I still got rolls of fat on my belly?” complained another. “This isn’t good enough. It’s not what I signed up for. I want 50 perfect photos. Do it again!” Another model even tried to post-process the images herself, by Photoshopping the skin. Of course this not only violated the model agreement, but it made Rich incandescent with rage. “What’s wrong with the images?” he fumed. “She looks gorgeous. Why can’t she see that this is really her, and that she’s beautiful as she is?” But this was not enough. Models wanted the Mr Fluffy treatment. They wanted to look like a T.V. celeb. They wanted to be other than they really were. They wanted the illusion.

And that was the turning point for Rich. He went through a phase where he cancelled everything, all shoots, he stopped looking at nude photographs, he even thought about giving up nude photography. And for a horrible moment, I really thought he was going to. But thank the Gods for this blog, and for you lot. I refused to let him quit, and I talked incessantly about photography and the bloggie community, so that he had no choice but to join in. And he came out of his shell, and started to chat to some of you again. And of course, I’ve been able to shove under his nose some stunning art produced by so many of you, which has re-encouraged him to start shooting again.

He began the same way as he did last time - by shooting me. And now I’m tentatively booking models again! He’s on the road to recovery. And he’s doing it his way. Minimal post-processing, unless HE wants to spend the time modifying the images, unless HE thinks it is necessary to produce better art. He’s not going to use Photoshop to “fix” the less-than perfect, just to make the women happy. He’s not going to lie. He going to do what the hell he wants. It’s his art, after all.

I guess this means that he’s going to produce significantly fewer publishable photos per shoot, and it probably makes him more of a purist. But I reckon it makes him a better photographer too. Certainly he’s a happier one.

Women need to accept themselves as real people, not expect the photographer to transform them into someone they would like to be. This is the difference between feeling empowered by your own real beauty, and not just living in a celebrity-fuelled fantasy.

You are beautiful because of who you are, warts and all.

Trust the photographer to capture that.



Pirate Maiden. Beautiful for both her looks and personality. No Photoshop required.

Pimping Perfume

It’s Christmas time again folks, and that can only mean one thing…Yay! It’s time for those tacky perfume ads on T.V. According to the telly, perfume is the standard present of choice for Christmas. Few things make you feel as fabulous as unwrapping a jewel-like bottle of sweet, captivating fragrance. Perfume is the ultimate mood booster, an affordable luxury, and guaranteed to get you in touch with your inner sensuality. So the adverts tell us anyway.

Now I love watching Nicole Kidman sweat for her millions as much as the next girl, but does any right-minded intelligent woman actually kid herself she’ll be like our lovely Nicole, just by spraying herself with Chanel No. 5? Do men actually believe that their women will feel loved and pampered if they buy them an exquisitely designed bottle of the world’s best selling perfume? Who the hell cares what chemical gloop is inside it, as long as the advert says it’s sexy, right?

The smell is largely irrelevant to most fragrance sales, as long as it’s fairly pleasant and doesn’t make the object of your attraction blow chunks. It’s more important that the woman likes the packaging. The important thing is the pretty glass container and the clever marketing-speak that goes with the liquid, because it reflects how you see yourself. It’s the image that counts for everything. In the same way that a beautiful fashion photograph in a woman’s magazine sells fantasies to women, so too that gorgeous sexy bottle of amber coloured liquid promises that you will suddenly become irresistible to the opposite sex. If you spray yourself with this wonder-gloop, you too will be a glamorous sex goddess, you will suddenly have ravishing young men turning their heads in the street, following you round, buying you flowers. Your life will be perfect, because you too will become Nicole Kidman, because you too WILL FEEL BEAUTIFUL.



It’s not just about the glamorous advert of course. The bottles are what sell the scent, and they have to be works of art. The shape of the bottle dictates what market the perfume is aimed at, and the marketing-speak that accompanies the advert is geared accordingly. For young trendy hip-young-things, you have the “spontaneous and seductive” CK1 (simple but chic frosted bottle shape). For the up-market older woman, you have crystal glassware, such as the Versace “Bright Crystal” “for the confident glamorous woman," in a divine shade of vivid pink cut glass, with a bottle stopper that looks like a humungous diamond the size of my Aunty Aggie’s giant bunion.

Now let's consider the secondary element, the scent. Perfumes contain a variety of natural and chemical concoctions designed to react with human sweat to produce an enticing smell which emulates ovulation hormones. Because no one person’s sweat smells the same, the perfume does react differently with each person. Thus what may smell bloody horny on you, may make me smell absolutely awful. My skin is very acidic in nature, and thus most perfumes smell like cat’s pee after I’ve worn them for an hour or two. That’s why “Poison” really does smell like rat poison on me, but “hump me Big Boy” on you.

And don’t even get me started on wearing perfumes that contain real pheromones. Yes I’ve tried them, in the hope of suddenly making my dear husband find me utterly irresistible and want to bonk me all night. Unfortunately all Rich ended up with was a mammoth splitting headache that lasted for two days, and needless to say, no hanky-panky at all. The stuff which was guaranteed to make me sex-personified, actually ended up being sprayed in the loo to freshen it, whereupon visitors suddenly started to spend a heck of a lot more time in my lavatory than they ever used to. Clearly my toilet is hornier than I am.

So, ladies, do you ever fall for the ultra-subtle marketing-speak? For example, do try Sean Paul’s bogglingly-named “Unforgivable,” “created to reflect the warmth and sensuality of a woman’s body.” (In actual fact this smells like “eau-de-wet-Labrador-after-rolling-in-mud,” and the best I can say about it is that it should indeed be for the “bold, confident woman,” because you’d have to be insanely brave to try it. Still at least the name is apt.)

Who writes this crap? Dammit, I wanna go work for these marketing companies. Somebody please pay me to write this rubbish. I can’t imagine a job that would be more fun. Those perfume advertisers must think we were born yesterday. Seriously…….I mean SERIOUSLY…..would any self-respecting woman believe all that hype?

By the way Rich, as it’s Christmas, I’m rather taken with that new Christina Aguilera perfume. Sexy bottle, plus it‘s covered in “seductive” black lace, plus the pong is not unpleasant either….Obviously this will make me feel “classy, sensual and in touch with my inner woman.”. And according to the marketing hype, it will reflect the real me…“sexy, juicy and daringly different.”
Yeah right. At the cost of a month’s lattes at my local coffee shop, it may turn out to be the most expensive juicy loo-freshener ever.



In case you are actually wondering if I do wear perfume, or if instead I just embrace my inner glow and really reek like a pole-cat, my long term scent is Cerruti 1881. This is traditionally viewed as an old lady’s perfume, which goes splendidly with my glamorous “mad old cat lady” image. So what if I wear perfume for geriatrics? I rather like the smell actually. Of the perfume, I mean, not the geriatrics.

The Christmassy images are of course of Pirate Maiden.

Banana Wisdom

Well, as Gary and Mark kindly pointed out, things may yet not turn out to be as bad as they seemed yesterday. So far everyone appears to be adopting the “Te audire no possum, musa sapientum fixa est in aure” approach, which if you recall, is Latin for “I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.”

Clearly my beloved friend has decided that women with brain tumours do crazy things, and I may yet be able to use the temporary insanity defence. Although it’s been a little more than temporary after eighteen months of blogging. Still, I’ll cling to that excuse as long as I am able to. I can live with pretending nothing has happened, although I suspect I’m about to be dropped like a hot potato from our social circle. Ah well, as the aging-singalonga-pretend-Robbie-Williams told us at the (very loud) rock concert at the local village church last Friday, “At least we have our health.” Or not, in my case.

Anyhoo, I’ll suck it and see. News reports from the resident SPAM (now amended to “Socially-Passed up-Abandoned-Miscreant”) as and when it happens.

In the meantime, I would just like to take a moment to show you all some LURVE……

Yes indeedy, many of you rank very highly on my “totally-fabulous-people-meter.”

“Why?” you ask.

What do photographers do when one of their own is in trouble? Well, apparently they send you random photographs to make you feel better. Of nudes, erotica, vegetables, landscapes, people, Christmas, even of gorgeous pussies (both kinds!) Rarely a day goes by when I don’t wake up to an email with a unbelievably cool piccie attached. And they are really beautiful, let me tell you that. (Although after a spate of being sent open leg shots a few months back, I tend to be a little more cautious now when opening email attachments on a full stomach just after breakfast – please remembers folks I am a middle-aged heterosexual female i.e. More nekkid male model shots would be superb, thank you so much for your consideration.)

Believe me, I am one of the luckiest SPAM in the world, as 99 percent of these images are truly outstanding. Many of them never made it to your blogs or ports, for whatever reason, but I can promise you I am privvy to one of the best private nude art collections in the world.

Dang, I’m a fortunate person. Thank you so much folks! I can promise you they make me really happy :-)

Although Rich keeps asking why no-one keeps sending pretty pictures to him, only to his wife.

(Subtle-hint: please send piccies to Rich too, or else I’m in deep doo-doo. Thank you.)



Sorry, I really can't face another Christmas series photograph today. Have spent large portion of today wrapping presents, and am totally yuled-out. So here is another-almost-Christmassy-picture, of Pirate Maiden this time. Please note she is smiling. This is rare, as according to her hubby, she never ever smiles for photographers.

(R3) Photoshop is not enough: Take 2

Now I can appreciate that applying Photoshop to an image can transform it beyond all recognition. It can hide all manner of physical flaws, it can sculpt the body, transform skin. You can even replace body parts.

The problem with this is that there are a growing number of models who now see Photoshop skills not as a means to fix problems on the day of a shoot, but to fix every single shot taken of them, and then they complain if you don’t.

It has created a growing culture of models who no longer care what they look like because Photoshop can fix it. You don’t see any photographs on their ports that are not retouched, and often you get one hell of a surprise when they turn up.

In the last year I’ve had to:

• Remove excess body fat. Not because it looked bad in the image but because the model didn’t think it was flattering enough


• Remove extensive bruising because the model thought it was OK to go kick boxing the night before a shoot


• Fix badly marked legs due to waxing the night before a shoot


• Remove fresh self harm scars


• Fix broken nails that weren’t manicured to take away the breaks


• Fix really, really bad skin

The problem with all of this was the attitude of “It's OK, I know you can fix it in Photoshop!”

While I can fix these things in Photoshop, I should not have to. It takes considerable time to make these fixes and it's time I don’t have. This type of work should be reserved for paying clients who have the right to have any post-processing they desire. Models should present themselves in perfectly groomed condition, especially when being paid.

Is it any wonder why I want to shoot virtual models?

Now don’t misunderstand me. I don’t expect models to be flawless. A surgical scar or a physical difference can add greatly to a photograph, and I don’t mind altering things for which the model has no control. This is not about being flawless but about presentation and not relying on Photoshop to fix things because they can’t be bothered to.

This is the fantastic Pirate Maiden. Perfect, with no Photoshop required!

The Quest for Perfection

It often strikes me, in the modelling and art photography industry, that most folks usually try too hard. They are always looking for the next best thing. Art photographers look to perfect their lighting, their technique, they are always dissatisfied with their work. They aren’t happy until they get the “killer image” in a shoot, the perfect shot that makes it all worthwhile. The one that is "real art". If they can’t create that, for whatever reason (and there may be many), they are unhappy with their work. Similarly most photographers I know spend inordinate amounts of time browsing online, constantly comparing their photographs to others – is someone else’s better? If so, why? How can I get better, dammit? I wanna be the BEST!

Likewise models are constantly and desperately striving to look thinner, more toned, more beautiful. They hone their posing, their technique, their makeup. They shoot with only the best photographers, and compete to get the best ports. They need to be better and cooler than other models - how else can they be a famous model? How else can they get to the top of their profession, get the big bucks, and be a STAR?

Now don’t get me wrong. Striving to improve oneself (whether you are a photographer or model) is a good thing. It’s human nature, after all. How else can you improve, and better your craft and your artistry? More importantly, how else can you support yourself financially? But the problem here isn't to do with earning a living. It's to do with the pressure in modern society, and in the art industry in particular. The unrelenting pressure to be better than your best. The never-ending quest for fame and glory. The constant nagging doubt that you are inferior in your craft, that you are inadequate when compared to your peers, and the inner craving to fit in with the best (and most popular) photographic creatives. This industry feeds off insecurity, and this is not a good thing.

“You know,” says Rich, “If only I could shoot as well as Sascha Hüttenhain, then I’d be happy with my photography.”

“Well, no you wouldn’t,” says I. “Nothing would change.”

Even photographers who are of Sascha's calibre, are constantly dissatisfied with their work. They are permanently striving to improve, just as fast as they can. The relentless pressure is still there. They are constantly pushing themselves to achieve a photographic utopia which exists only in their imagination. (Note, I’ve no idea if this applies personally to Sascha or not – I’m generalising wildly after spending way too much time observing professional photographers and models. Sascha may be deliriously happy with his art and think he's the bees' knees, for all I know.)

Although a certain amount of professional competition is generally healthy, I never understand with people, just why the compulsive need to compare oneself with others. And exactly what is the damn rush to improve so fast? By trying to cram in as many shoots as possible before Christmas, by staying busy, busy, busy, by entering goodness knows how many photographic competitions, by relentlessly pimping your art – exactly how does this help YOU, the person? How will driving yourself so bloody hard, actually give you a healthy working environment in which your creativity can flourish?

And why the rush to get to the top? Why is everything so urgent, so pressurised? Why do you constantly crave more and compare yourself to others? Why do you work so hard, and yet find yourself constantly wanting?

Because you’ll feel guilty if you stop, is my guess, because being in a constant whirl of competitive activity in modern society has now become a habit, a compulsion. It is considered “normal.” Shame, guilt and fear of inadequacy have won the day. You’re either constantly busy, constantly feeling you must create unique top notch art, or…or what?

What would happen if you simply stopped? Turned off the computer? Took a breath? Chilled out? If you stopped comparing yourself to everyone else in the industry, if you stopped browsing Model Mayhem, or the photography blogs? What would happen to your art then?

Go ahead. Step off the treadmill. Give yourself permission to chill. Try just doing nothing.

In the words of the wise Bishop Stephen Cottrell, "Learn to nurture your inner slob."

And I bet your art improves all by itself.

R2: Rise of the Aggregator

“Anything scarce is valuable” (Anon)

You say: “Site xyz has featured me on their blog. I’m so honoured to be published by them.”

I say: “What a load of bollocks! That’s not being published - it has no value!”

Let’s wind the clock back to February 2003 when Michael Barnes started the Art-Nudes blog . It was, I believe, the first of its kind. A site driven by one man who wished to collect together links to what he considered the best in art-nude photography. A site which gave the viewer a new talent to examine and appreciate every day. It was an invaluable resource for anyone who was interested in the genre.

It was the first art-nude aggregator, and as such there was both a demand by the viewers for new images and by the photographers to be featured. Thus being featured on the blog was something that was considered valuable to the photographer as it gave coverage and publicity, and there was (and still is) a certain kudos if your work appeared there. As photographers were featured, many would link back to the blog in appreciation, thus increasing its value and fame.

Its value was in its uniqueness.

However, it was not a form of peer review. It was not selective of only the very highest quality because such a blog has a need to add new images. It would not be possible to run the blog showing only the work of the best 20 photographers, or even the top 200. This would have limited its diversity. So in practical terms it was very nice to be listed but it didn’t carry weight as actually “being a published photographer”.

Now you might wonder why I would say this. I’m certainly not trying to devalue Michael’s work, which we have on many occasions promoted. In fact we love his blog, and the passion and dedication to art-nude photography. However, as with most art, there has been a tendency to copy uniqueness, and now there are hundreds, nay thousands, of similar blogs from people who decided to copy Michael’s idea.

Nowadays, artists post all the time on their blogs whenever they get featured on any aggregator. They seem to think it is some form of review.



Let me say this again. There is no publishing value in an aggregator!

The internet is the ultimate in free publishing. It costs nothing to create a blog, it costs nothing to create posts, and it costs nothing to link to and show images from a photographers site. I therefore postulate that in this context, free has no value.

Of the thousands of aggregators that have sprung up imitating Michael’s blog, some are quite selective and rather good, but some are bad and feature any rubbish they can find. These sites have the same running costs, nothing. If the blogger chooses bad images there is no loss to them. If they close the site there are no jobs lost. They have no vested interest in making the best choices other than their desire to have a high visitor count. Thus being listed on one of these sites cannot possibly be counted as being published any more than having someone visit your site is considered being published.

Compare this to a magazine or book. If the images are bad then the publication doesn’t sell, so there will be no advertisers or subscribers and the magazine will go bust and the editor and staff lose their jobs. It’s a big difference and changes the whole focus of the image selection.

There is another kind of aggregator site which charges to view the images. These sites, for example Michelle7 charge their viewers. Thus their content must be good enough for the subscribers to pay and this enforces a selection procedure that imparts value to the act of being selected.

It’s this selection pressure that makes the inclusion have a value. There is a quantifiable loss involved in getting it wrong.

Now it’s easy to argue that a good aggregator will have value in that it will have recurring visitors and it is this volume of visitors that give it value. This is to some level true, but over time the rise of the aggregator sites and growth of them is becoming their own downfall.

Enter into this the site StumbleUpon. This is the ultimate aggregator. Anyone can create a Stumble account. Each account has a blog. You can add to your Stumble blog by right clicking an image and adding it to the blog together with a text entry. It’s the aggregator taken to its ultimate limit of ease of use, simplicity and mass market appeal. It is to photography aggregators what WalMart is to baked beans.

There are some good aggregators on Stumble, showing some remarkable work. But no-one in their right mind would shout about being added to a Stumble blog.

Stumble is the death through democratisation of the aggregator.

So please, if an aggregator features you, remember it has no value, it’s free and for every time you post a message about xyz site listing you, you have probably been Stumble-blogged many more times.

Finally. I want to be published some more, so please click the Stumble button below this post.

See - wasn’t that easy?!
How does it feel to be your very own aggregator?

(Your patronage is appreciated. We love you all.)




These photographs are of the lovely Pirate Maiden who is very much worth adding to your aggregator.

The Photographers Eye

Rich was talking to our oldest son’s art teacher at Hogwarts last week about the dreaded scholarship and the ongoing photography v. art saga. During this conversation he let slip that he was a photographer.

“Ah," she nodded sagely, “You have the Eye. My father was a photographer. I have the Eye too you know”

Our twelve year old son was rather boggled by this. He had visualisations of a giant Photographer’s Eye floating around in space, watching everything. He even did a quick sketch.



O.K. It doesn’t scan so well.

So my son later asked his father, “So what exactly is The Photographer’s Eye?”

Rich explained that it is basically the ability to see good composition and form.

Mystery solved, right?

Now I’ve been reading about this, and it seems to my uneducated mind that there’s a lot more to it than this.

In my opinion, the Photographer’s Eye is an ability to visualise not just the photograph, but a way of looking at the world around you. It’s natural instinct, and it’s innate to photographic creatives.

Artists and photographers seem to have a unique way of thinking and imagining. They are different from us ordinary mortals. They see everything in terms of light and texture, and as a result, their art is a way of exploring the way how the nature of light changes the visual world. Positive and negative space, colour, black and white and scales of grey - they are ways of looking at reality and illusion through the medium of light.

This way of seeing the world is different and apart from the average person. It’s almost magical in nature. Because of this, I don’t actually think this quality can be learned. It’s either in your nature, or it‘s not, pure and simple.

Ever since I’ve known Rich, he has talked about life, physics, art, philosophy, religion, you name it, in terms of light and darkness. It is a metaphor he uses constantly to explain the way he perceives life. After so many years, I’m now completely used to this way of speaking. Light is a different language really, and you don’t begin to understand it until you’ve lived with a photographer or an artist.

The art photographer exists because of light, and his reason for “being” is to explore it, to try to capture it in a single moment in time, in a single image. Can he transfer that magic to the viewer? Can he unravel that mystery and visually communicate the way he imagines the photographic subject? In a way, he is educating the blind to really “see” with his eyes.

Sometimes, when driving along, Rich will just stop by the side of the road. I’ll see him pause, go silent for a few moments, and then he’ll quietly point out the way the light falls on the trees, the shadows, the texture of the bark. But it’s no good, I just can’t understand what he’s getting at. I can’t feel what he feels as he looks at the tree. Words aren’t enough. I don’t see with his eyes. He has to make me understand what he feels through some other medium of communication.

There is a well known saying in art that “imagination is the eye of the soul.” If this is the case, then it is only when the photographer picks up the camera, can he really capture and compose what he is imagining. Only then can he communicate the way his soul sees the world through the language of light.



Pirate Maiden, from a few weeks ago.

Rich’s comment on reading this “Hey, you can’t post this! Everyone’s going to think I’m a really pretentious idiot. Can’t you just tell them I have no eyes and I’m just stumbling around in the dark?"