How Not To Write An Artist’s Statement
For the first time, Rich has been asked for an artist statement from a site that wants to feature his work. Now as you know, Rich is not known for his flowery prose, and he’s certainly not adept at the art of bullshit. He’s interested in telling it like he sees it, from the heart, but after browsing around a great many bio’s and artists’ statements, it appears that Rich’s brief and honest “I shoot nekkid chix 'cos I love boobies” won’t exactly cut it in the serious art world.
He needs something a bit more profound, more descriptive, more eloquent, more waffly, in short he needs to prove that he is a fathomless, mega-deep, serious photographer who’s not remotely interested in ogling naked women, but instead is entirely focused on more noble and ethereal concerns.
Hmm. Where to begin.
So we started by looking around everyone else’s. Lord almighty, that was an eye-opener. Does anyone ever read artists’ statements anyway? Well, we did, hundreds of them, and I can tell you that it was a hilarious experience. Overall, the word PRETENTIOUS springs to mind. No humour, no honesty, no straight-forward “I photograph because I love it. The End.” Instead almost everyone broke the first and most important rule of writing an artist’s statement: Write your statement in language that anyone can understand.
A few typical examples we came across:
“I seek to expose what is going on deep within the psyche of my subjects, and I use photography as an artistic medium to interact with and transform our perceptions of ourselves and our visual settings.”
“I like to pursue an idea to a conclusion that seems to have an inevitability about it, as though the [photograph] has always existed in an ethereal sense”
“Some artists say their photographs allow them to get closer to nature; mine allow me to get closer to my dreams”
“My primary concern is with the interaction of individuals with each other and with the rest of the cosmos, the interface of self with other.”
“If I can awaken in my subject an inner awareness of emotion or realisation of their true psyche, then I have succeeded in my quest for enlightenment”
Oh please. I mean...seriously...
No-one would believe this stuff in a million years. How can such garbage be taken seriously? O.K. Not all the statements were like that, but many of them were the stuff of fantasies, blatant bullshit riddled with arty-jargon. The strange thing is, that such flowery-arty-mumbo-jumbo appears to be mandatory. The more successful the artist or photographer, the more nonsensical and ethereal is the artist’s statement. Clearly, in order for Rich to prove he is not a GWC he should totally ignore the professional advice and instead spout psychological crap which bears no resemblance to reality, just as long as it sounds cool. Most importantly, it must always sound ARTY, otherwise how else can he possibly be taken seriously as Un Grand Artiste???
So let’s embrace our inner bullshitter and see what happens:
“I wish to breathe fresh air into the musty chateau of the art-nude genre with the quest for inner awakening of the psyche. The subtle nuances captured by my lens illuminate the richness and depth of the complex soul. My passion is to explore the waves of light and darkness as they caress the skin of the perfectly formed embodiment of Aphrodite. Each individual goddess is so beautiful that she commands attention and demands my intense exploration of her innermost depths.”
(Rough translation: Phwoar! Boobie Art Rocks!)
Whaddaya think folks?
Nope. IMO, not nearly deep ‘n’ arty enough. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
More alcohol, we definitely need more alcohol. Clearly all truly great artists’ statements should be written whilst completely out of one’s tree.
IvoryFlame of course.
He needs something a bit more profound, more descriptive, more eloquent, more waffly, in short he needs to prove that he is a fathomless, mega-deep, serious photographer who’s not remotely interested in ogling naked women, but instead is entirely focused on more noble and ethereal concerns.
Hmm. Where to begin.
So we started by looking around everyone else’s. Lord almighty, that was an eye-opener. Does anyone ever read artists’ statements anyway? Well, we did, hundreds of them, and I can tell you that it was a hilarious experience. Overall, the word PRETENTIOUS springs to mind. No humour, no honesty, no straight-forward “I photograph because I love it. The End.” Instead almost everyone broke the first and most important rule of writing an artist’s statement: Write your statement in language that anyone can understand.
A few typical examples we came across:
“I seek to expose what is going on deep within the psyche of my subjects, and I use photography as an artistic medium to interact with and transform our perceptions of ourselves and our visual settings.”
“I like to pursue an idea to a conclusion that seems to have an inevitability about it, as though the [photograph] has always existed in an ethereal sense”
“Some artists say their photographs allow them to get closer to nature; mine allow me to get closer to my dreams”
“My primary concern is with the interaction of individuals with each other and with the rest of the cosmos, the interface of self with other.”
“If I can awaken in my subject an inner awareness of emotion or realisation of their true psyche, then I have succeeded in my quest for enlightenment”
Oh please. I mean...seriously...
No-one would believe this stuff in a million years. How can such garbage be taken seriously? O.K. Not all the statements were like that, but many of them were the stuff of fantasies, blatant bullshit riddled with arty-jargon. The strange thing is, that such flowery-arty-mumbo-jumbo appears to be mandatory. The more successful the artist or photographer, the more nonsensical and ethereal is the artist’s statement. Clearly, in order for Rich to prove he is not a GWC he should totally ignore the professional advice and instead spout psychological crap which bears no resemblance to reality, just as long as it sounds cool. Most importantly, it must always sound ARTY, otherwise how else can he possibly be taken seriously as Un Grand Artiste???
So let’s embrace our inner bullshitter and see what happens:
“I wish to breathe fresh air into the musty chateau of the art-nude genre with the quest for inner awakening of the psyche. The subtle nuances captured by my lens illuminate the richness and depth of the complex soul. My passion is to explore the waves of light and darkness as they caress the skin of the perfectly formed embodiment of Aphrodite. Each individual goddess is so beautiful that she commands attention and demands my intense exploration of her innermost depths.”
(Rough translation: Phwoar! Boobie Art Rocks!)
Whaddaya think folks?
Nope. IMO, not nearly deep ‘n’ arty enough. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
More alcohol, we definitely need more alcohol. Clearly all truly great artists’ statements should be written whilst completely out of one’s tree.
IvoryFlame of course.
Labels: IvoryFlame, writing
posted by Lin at 11:42 AM
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